Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Sexual Restraint
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 6/20/2001 5:07 PM MDT

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ka Fateh

I am 28 year old Amritdhara child. Prior to taking Amrit I was living a very different lifestyle. I was dating several young men and I did have sexual relations with most of them. (no sex but other stuff like hugging and kissing)After taking Amrit my views on dating and sexual activity changed considerably. Because I did not excercise self restraint and discipline then I wish to do this in the future. This means that I would be taking this attitude into marriage as well. Now I understand that Guru Sahib has explained that we should not engage in any sexual activities prior to marriage and that after marriage it is ok to do so. However with me I feel as if sex should be controlled even in marriage. I base this view on my past experiences. I honestly believe that experiences are one of the most important teachers in life. I regret being so sexually liberal both in thought and action. After doing paath from Guru Granth Sahib I learned the meaning of self discipline which I hope to excercise throughout the rest o

f this life.
I actually had a gentleman turn me down for marriage beacause I wanted to be disciplined about sexual activity. He apparently does not understand how and why I feel this way but he has not experienced what I have in life. And furthermore I do believe that you need to excercise self restraint in this area for spiritual reasons as well. He didn;t agree. I don't know if what I believe is right. I'm not just voicing these opinions based on my experiences. Can you please give me some comments or advice on this issue. Thank you.
God Bless you

*****
REPLY
*******

Dear One:

Sat Siri Akaal Ji. Just a couple of comments. First of all, what you choose to do in the bedroom and when is your business. However, it does sound a little like you are trying to 'atone' for your earlier liberty, which, since you are now Amritdhari, is not really necessary. Practically speaking, everyone has different sexual appetites, for a variety of societal and hormonal reasons.

Secondly, Guru did not mandate sexual restraint between a husband and wife, so yours is a personal choice, and you alone decide if it is or is not right. Between people who are deeply in love, sex is an act of love and can be extremely elevating, serving to deepen the partners' understanding/trust of one another, as well as their love for each other. Experience is a great teacher, and it gives you something to work from, but I would hate to see you feel hemmed in by your restrictions when your being craves a loving touch from your husband.

Thirdly, there are those who exercise sexual restraint, choosing instead to channel that energy for other creative or spiritual purposes. Yoga, especially kundalini yoga, moves sexual, creative energy up the spine into the higher chakras. This can be a great tool for spiritual growth, when followed by deep silent meditation or Naam simran.

I am glad that you are up front with prospective mates about this, otherwise you could end up in a very unhappy marriage. That said, I hope your married life, if and when you choose it, brings you happiness at all levels.
Guru rakha,
-DKK