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Summary of Question:	Family Members
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 2/02/2003 12:16 AM MST

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ka fateh!

About two years ago it was..i think..it was around 2001 my uncle died he was an awesome uncle the keeper of the family, got along with everybody now that he died and now that he is gone our family members have been fighting not talking to each other and basically things aren't the same, but sometimes we come together as a family except for our other family members...who really make me mad because there amritdari and are well respected in the sikh community my "Uncle" he was brothers with my uncle who died, and he and his wife and 5 kids withdrew themselves from the family and it's been 5 years and there filled

with anger and hate, they live in seattle and they lie to us, what hurt me was my grandma had died too and they didn't come for her bhog, they didn't care they said o we're busy we have work...I see them in the gurdwara cause they do kirtan awesome kirtan...but whenever i see them i get angry and judging them, my question is what is that i can do to make myself not get mad and become like them? I want to be filled with love...not hate or anger like THEM!and should still greet them?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. So sad that your relatives are behaving so unkindly. The important thing is that you don't want to be like them. No matter what anyone else says or does -- and we can't control other people-- you are still responsible for your own actions. By being gracious and greeting them, and silently praying for them, you will feel better. Anger and hate poison us, so why let them have that power over you? People live their lives either as an example (as your dear Uncle who passed away did) or as a warning! So, be grateful that you are not rude or unkind, and try to forgive them for their actions. It is obviously the best they can do, and you can feel sorry for them that they are so ignorant as to behave this way. Do not let them upset you. Again, no one should have the power to disturb your peace of mind. It would be nice to have loving, harmonionious, congenial family relationships, but sometimes it's not possible. So, get on with your life, and don't have any expectations of others. As God loves us all, no matter what we do (after all, He keeps breathing in us!) similarly, try to follow God's example! Love is giving, without expecting anything in return. Also, seek out friendships with people who share your aspirations, and thank God for the lessons you are learning from all situations. Blessings and best wishes for you to be happy! SP