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Summary of Question:	In-Laws Are Not Religious
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 8/20/2002 10:31 AM MDT

My husband and I are both Punjabi Sikhs but while I was brought up to be religious, he was not. It was never much of a problem until we had children. My parents pray and attend the Gurdwara frequently but my in-laws think it's sill to do that. In fact, they say educated people rely on themselves to achieve and God has nothing to do with how your life is. My mother-in-law even laughs when my mom prays and questions the good of it. They crack jokes about praying and say things like "it's stupid to sit on the floor and I wouldn't even let my dog do it." My husband doesn't say anything mean but he doesn't believe in God and won't go to the Gurdwara and gets annoyed when I tell my kids that Guru Nanak wants them to be moral and decent. I thought all Punjabi people were religious until I met this bunch. Other than a divorce, is there anything I can do?

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal.
How sad! Hold fast to Guru! You are trustees for the young lives you have borne, not owners! Teach you children values and virtues of a Sikh and point out to your family that for the most part, these values and virtues are not purely religious, they are also practically ethical and moral. Make it clear to your in-laws and husband that as the children's mother, you are going to teach them the Sikh faith and virtues whether his family likes it or not. The children they may choose to reject Sikhi when they are adults, but that is their choice. You would betray yourself, them, and your faith to do anything less.

Do not try to convert your inlaws, and ignore their comments as much as possible (change the subject or remain silent). Additionally, pray for your husband and his family in a neutral way. Pray that they honor the Divine in their hearts and lives, no matter how they perceive It to be. Hold them in Guru's hands in your heart, and GIVE them to Guru to guide as He chooses. Be the Lightkeeper in your household; over time you may see a shift in your family towards Guru. (I've seen that happen in other such cases.) Being laughed at and scorned is part of being a Gursikh. Remember that God always protects the honor of his saints. It's not the life you lead, it's the courage you bring to it.

Although I am NOT suggesting divorce, I can tell you that divorce over differences of faith does happen, but it doesn't have to. Guru ang sang,
-DKK