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Summary of Question:	Religious Marriage
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 5/05/2005 8:00 PM MDT

Sat Nam,

Thank you very much moderators for your patience to listen to us and for being such a great guides to us...
I'm a "converted" sikh,i took sikh vows a year ago and i feel happy and committed to the principles of sikhism and to the teachings of Yogi Bhajan. A couple of months ago I fell in love with a old friend of mine and now we want to get marry. He's catholic, a good catholic and as I understand that is what sikhism demands from us, to be committed God-concious persons. Our relationship is positive for both of us because we both encourage each other to live by the principles of ours religions, and we both share the spiritual need and search. But today i was reading the Rehit Maryada and found out that it is a request, in order to perform the Anand Karaj, both members of the couple to be sikh. We had planned to marry in both catholic and sikh ceremonies, so that our marriage would have equal meaning to both of us and to our families and friends, but what I read is making me afraid... I really want to keep on my faith and on my religious practice, and i consider is the best for me, but i don't want to ask my futur husband to convert and adopt my religion because it is equally important for him, but i do want to have a religious wedding as i know how important is the Anand Karaj... Would I be aloud to marry him? I will talk to the minister of my local Gurudwara as well, but i would like to know what you think. Many thanks again for your help

----reply

You ask a very difficult question. I am not going to answer your question as many probably would. I am not going to tell you yes or no. I am going to ask you some questions, which you will have to think about and then answer your question yourself. First of all, read the vows. Can you get a copy of them? My understanding of the vows is that you put God and Guru first in your life. Some people would interpret that that means the Sikh Gurus. It is all in how you choose to interpret the words. Does it mean Sikh Gurus and you both have to be Sikhs...or could it mean the broader meaning of Guru...the light within you that takes you from darkness to light? So, first read the vows and see if you can consciously interpret them to fit your joint merger. Your Gurdwara may not be willing to marry you in the Gurdwara...then what? Is there a Sikh minister that would be willing to marry you in someone home with a Guru present? Are there Yogi Bhajan trained 3HO type Sikhs around where you live? Maybe one of those ministers would be willing to marry you. The most important thing is that you have to be clear in your own consciouness what is right for you and what makes sense to you.

Other questions like...Do you plan on having children? How will you raise them? Will there be pressure from the Catholic Church or Sikh Gurdwara to baptize the baby? How will you deal with holidays, relatives, etc, etc. Marriage isn't just about two people...it's a lot more. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married. I'm just saying that its better to consider these things before marriage than to be shocked afterwards. The "romance" wears off very fast. Go to our Marraige section and read the questions and articles. Really think about it and discuss with your fiance everything. Don't be afraid to ask difficult questions of each other. May Guru Guide You. GTKK