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Summary of Question:	What Should I Do With My Problem[Waiting Desperately]
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 9/14/2002 6:09 AM MDT

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh !

***I KNOW IT'S LONG .. BUT PLZ HELP ME..***

Khalsa ji .. I m in problem and I don?t know how to solve it..yesterday I asked my parents if I can go to gurughar..only for few hours..cuz every Friday there is kirtan and sangat comes here..the moment I asked them ..they took whole house on their head..my mother cried as if some one is dying .. she came to my room.. sat in one corner with eyes full of tears and hand on her head..she was like what?s going with you..how come u r soo changed within one week..i was like I wasn?t change..and I m not change at all..she was like why did u take our ur gold chain..why did u..and u don?t wear n e thing in ur ears..and u don?t even do ur eyebrows..i was like I don?t want to do it..and I don?t want to wear them..cuz I want to live in saadki..she was like..someone has done magic at my house again .. she was like I shouldn?t have gone to my in laws house..whenever I go there..there is always bad at our house..she cried soo hard..and kept on saying that why this happens at my home only..why..she was like this same thing was happening last year in September..again this year in September too..[last year I tried to walk on this path but for not for myself ..for one guy..and I did everything as he wanted me to do..and change myself for him..so that I can be able to marry him..and I took amrit..but after I took amrit..i was in bad hand of some bad people..they made me force my parents soo much..which made me feel really rude person..situation was I ran from house]..so I was like to my mother..it wasn?t me before mother..i was totally different person..i was doing that for him..not for me or not for my waheguru..she was like no..this is not good..i don?t like turban..i don?t like it..why this happen at my house..why..only me..i was like..what?s gonna happen it will happen..she was like u gonna take amrit again..and u gonna wear 5ks and turban..which I don?t want..and I don?t like turban..i felt soo bad..then it hurt me..and I was explaining her..but I m not a good teacher..and explaining her..that if in my life I have to take amrit..no one can stop me except waheguru..and as the matter of fact I will take it..when I feel I m ready..but so far and right now I m not ready..she was lik eno no..she was crying soo hard..she was like ur aunt does paat..but she isn?t amritshak..i m like if she has in bhaga to be amritshak then she will..if not then no..and it?s up to her if she wants too..she was like why did I send u to the gurughar to do paat ..from SGGS..i was like u r no one to send me..waheguru wanted me to go there so he did..she was like u lie to me..u didn?t tell me that u do paat every day from SGGS..i was like I didn?t lie to u..i told you I go everyday to gurghar..to bow my head and to meet guru ji..so I do that too..but if I would have told you before that I do paat..then u would have reacted ssame way as u r now..even though I just asked u if I can go to gurghar today..she was like I knew it..u used to listen songs..now u don?t..i knew the day u started to wake up early in the morning..i was like..i don? tknow how I got it..but this is the path I choose..and u have to be with me..if u don?t want to?it?s up too u..she was like I want to keep u with me..i was like u can?t do that..one day I will get married and go away..or what if I will die b4..you..then how can u say u gonna keep me with u..u can?t do that at all..she was like ones u finish ur paat from SGGS..that?s it..no more..i felt bad..that what I m doing wrong..i got rude..that I told her u want me to wear skirts..show my leg to everyone..to be honest mother I wanted to wear skirts cuz I wanted to..and show guyz that I look good..i found out no one look at me..except wahguru..so if he can love me without make up..so why should I do that..i was like when I was born..u loved me then..even though I wasn?t born with lipstick on my lips..or some other makeup..or with eyebrows done?how can u love me then..and how u can?t..i was like I m standing there..it?s just u r going away from me..and u r saying that I m going away from you guyz..no I m still there..u r running from me..i was li

ke I never heard parents will tell their kids not to go gurughar..make it limited..i like u love ur husband..that love is unlimited..how can u ask me to make my love limited for waheguru..i can?t do that..everything happens according to him..and I know..there is nothing bad in being sikh or wear 5ks?.i got rude..and I said to her that u were born in sikh family and u don?t like turban..ur own father used to wear turban..how can u like him then .. u r born in sikh family and u r asking me not to go for my religion..i was like if u ask me not to go to gurughar today then I won?t go ..but if u ask me to make it limited then don?t know what u r saying..and then my father came..he was like.to my mother .let her go..if she is gonna do same thing again..wearing 5ks and amritshak again then I m out of this house..i m gonna die..and u can do my funeral and do whatever u want..i tried to explain him.the moment i bring one word out of my mouth..he was like I want to die..i will die..i tried to explain him ones twice and third time..and then I became angry and rude..i told him that u never tried to understand me..it?s always u and u?after all this when I decided not to go gurughar..my mother was like..do whatever u want to do after marriage..i was like..my parents aren?t letting me do n e thing..how can u say he will let me do that..then..what if I took after marriage..and he didn? tlike that he left me then..what u gonna do..she was like I have no answer..i was like ya cuz u r saying without thinking..after all this I got scared..as I told you b4..i took armit before..but couldn? tkeep it..that was my big mistake..but now I m sure I will take it when I m ready..and I m totally different person..i was rude to my parents then..i was asked not eat from my parents hands..but now it?s totally different..now I have no guy to go after..i m just going after waheguru..my parents don?t even like that..mother was like do paat at home..but make limit to go to gurughar..i felt in my heart..what if my mother is right..what if this is the sign from waheguru fot me not to be amritshak..what if amrit is not for me..cuz I insulted it ones..i didn?t understand it?s importance ..ones..i felt if my love towards waheguru is it really from heart..or what is it..i felt soo scared..i m still feeling bad..and I m trying hard not to be rude with my parents..but they are keeping eye on me now..will guru ji forgive me..cuz I want to be under his sharan forever and ever..and I don?t know how to do it..i m totally alone at this house..to go throught all this..everyone at home do makeup and everything..i ask him for strength..plzz I have seen one thing..whenever there is a fight at our house?no one talks to each other for like few days..but last night..it wasn?t like this..it was normal..dad was still mad..but I asked him sorry for me being rude to him..i felt as if my seva for down paat from SGGS..is safal..he is listening..he is watching me..but still I m scared..i don?t want to loose these feeling for waheguru..from my heart..most of the times. ..my mind says something else and my heart says something else..when my mind says that watch movie..heart says no..and I do what my heart says..khalsa ji I m so scared..i don?t want my life as it was last year..i want to drink holly amrit in name of waheguru for good ..sometime I thinks that forcing me heart towards waheguru is it good..that I can keep it..cuz my mind goes different way sometimes..i think a lot from my mind..plz khalsa ji tell me how what should I do about my problem..plzz..i want to end this..i m tired of it..plzz tell me what should I do..i don?t want to loose guru ji ..i love him..i want to go on sikhi..i know it?s hard..it is really hard..but I want to do it..soo plz help me?

PLZ HELP ME..! :( ** SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG EMAIL **

waheguru ji ka khalsa,waheguru ji ki fateh!
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Reply
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Greetings and blessings to you dear child of God and Guru,

It is very sad that you parents live in so much fear and limitation.

Guru has blessed you and given you the bliss of His love. Enjoy this love and do this one prayer every day for the next 40 days. It is from Shabd Hazare (by Guru Arjan Dev ji to express his love for his Guru who was also his father, Guru Raam Das ji when he was separated from his Guru). It starts "Mera man loche gur darshan taa-ee bilapa kare chatrik kee nee-a-ee........."

You can recite this 11 times each day for 40 days. This is like reciting 1,000 shabds and will keep you from being seperated from your beloved. Do this and see how it helps your situation.

You can find this shabd sung on Sikhnet.com/gurbani

God bless you to cut through all negativity with the power of Gurbani.

SKKK