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Summary of Question:	I Jus Want To Know.
Category:	Sikh Practices
Date Posted:	Monday, 12/09/2002 4:48 PM MST

Sat Sri Akal,

my question is just about my husband's behavior. i'm 20 and he's 25. we live in the USA. my husband's been here for more than 20years. i can't say that he is more westernised because he does not have any bad habits of smoking or drinking. but he is really very rude and blunt. he is just after his mom. i understand his love for his mother because i love my mother too. he always thinks that i am wrong. he is not at all supportive. he can never stand up for me. i go to college and have a job. his mother wants me to stay home and act like normal daughters in law. he is so arrogant that he doesn't care while making fun or others. he thinks that he is perfect and always right and the next person to be right is his mother. she taunts me over so many things. he is not at all religious but goes to the gurdwara sometimes. his mother is not religious too. i don't know what to do. i'm always misunderstood. and somehow they make me feel like its always my fault. he even, calls me a"B.." and "F.." when he fights with me. he is always picking on my parents and brother.
i'm so tensed that i feel like commiting suicide. i do path somethimes and i feel good. i try to keep myself busy with my work. i can't even tell my parents. i don't understand how should i control my mind or his ego. please help me.
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Reply
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Dear sweet daughter.
Greetings and blessings to you in the name of God and Guru.

The key here is to do the things that fill you with harmony and contentment. You said that you do "Path" sometimes and you feel good. Recite the "Benti Chaupa-ii" 11 times a day for the next 90 days. It will give you self esteem and strength.

"Humaree karo hath de rachaa. Puran ho-ee chit kee itchaa.....and so on. You can find it in Rehiras or by itself in the nitnem. It is on Sikhnet with the translation.

Apply yourself to this recitation with concentration and focus. Use it as a prayer for your upliftment and fulfillment. You are the Grace of God. Guru Nanak said that women are the bearers of kings and saints. Live in your grace.

If he is physically abusing you, then you must go seek help. It is OK to talk to your Mom and Dad about your situation, in any case.

You are young, he is young. Rather than confront him or challenge him, see how you can win him over with your grace and with your sense of fun. Master this. But do reach out for help and support from God, Guru, your grace, and the loving support of someone who cares for you (like your Mom, sister or auntie).

God bless you, SKKK