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Summary of Question:	Will I Ever Be Forgiven...?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 8/13/2001 2:10 PM MDT

Hello

Im in dire need of some straight answers as whats recently happened in my life has made me think of how my actions have hurt myself and my recent ex partner.

The advice Im searching for is tha on forgiveness and if my boyfriend decides he wants me as a partner again...Im hurt distressed as my actions were provoked by the meer mention of caste...and his parents were fully 100% against me as of that reason only...The main pressure only came between us when his parents found out about us...and therefore there was immense pressure to comply and not be so invloved with each other...and also know that i tried my hardest to comply with restrictions that were placed on me by my ex boyfriend....(not to talk on the phone too much etc etc...)

A couple of Sundays back...the pressure built up and my bf decides that as of the pressure his parents were giving him that he had to make a decision...them or myself...he chose them...then he said u may aswell tell your parents so i did...The weird thing is that i didnt realise how supportive and nurturing my family were about the whole situation...! Pressure built up further after his mum and my mum talkinmg on the phone and me getting sworn at by his dad...and then i decided to (wrongly) go to his house and calmly talk the situation through with his parents as 11-00PM nighttime...they obviously wasnt going to hear me out so i sat on the doorstep...and then they called the police as i was on their doorstep....(they didnt arrest me at all cos i wasnt being a nuisance or shouting or arguing at all..)

OK..Im VERY upset and know I have done wrong by even attempting to resolve the issue by myself...but this all happened and they said they didnt want me because I was the wrong caste....(hes Jatt and Im Tharkan)...we both dont believe in this issue...but he then also said he doesnt harbour any feelings for me NOMORE..and wont forgive me for my actions that sunday....Im deeply ashamed but only did what i thought was acceptable for me at that present time.. ive made myself look like a complete fool and his family have said how can we accept you if you do things like this...reminding you that they werent going to accept me as of my caste in the first instance..!!

Now weve spilt up and are "friends" but i need to know what the Gurbani says about situations like this, I miss my partner LOTS and want him back for life but he says he cant see a future cos of my actions....he WONT forgive me at all..and Im now walking around not sleeping or eating properly, have lost weight and yearning for my soulmate to come back to me 100%..I know ive done wrong but need to know how i can repair this damage and show my ex partner i know ive done wrong...I think that i may deserve this but also know that my ex partner cares for me someplace...i need him back as my partner and as my soulmate...Do you think its even possible for him to change his mind about me and do you think that he will come back to me at all..? I need help as I know i am wrong to some circumstance but also know I am not hypocritical in all cases when the subject comes to the caste issue..as i dont believe in it...

Please help...what does the Gurbani say...how does and how could it advice me in getting my ex partner beside me again???

Gurvinder

---reply

Sat Nam Gurvinder Kaur,

I think that the Guru is protecting you. Your ex boyfriend has made it clear how he feels. His consciousness is superficial, so he chose his family and supported their views on the caste system. Can you imagine how horrible it would have been to marry him? Once married, it would have gotten only worse. You would have been a second-class member of the family, if they allowed you in their home at all. Then, when children came...it would have gotten even worse. Be grateful that the Guru prevented this big mistake and tragedy from happening. This guy is not your soulmate. He has treated you poorly, but atleast he showed his true self to you...now, before it was too late. What would I do? I would go to the Guru and give Him my gratitude for protecting me and loving me so much that I was spared from marrying into such a narrow-thinking family. Read from the Guru every day, making the Guru your true Beloved. Ask Him to bring to you someone who will love and cherish you for who you are. Yes,you made a fool
of yourself, behaved ungracefully...but you would have been a much bigger fool if you had married into such a family. Be grateful and feel proud to be the daughter of the Guru. Feel that grace within you and behave as the Guru's daughter. In His Name, GTKK