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Summary of Question:	What Do I Do?!!!
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 11/03/2002 11:00 AM MST

WaheGuru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

I am 17 years old from UK, eight years ago my whole family went completly out of control my dad started to drink alot and always argued with us and hit us all the time for little reasons. My brother (6 years older than me) started to miss school lessons and started to drink and smoke, then my dad found out and there was all hell. My dad was allways out of order and my mum always tried to solve things but she became seriously ill.

After a few years something just came over my brother when he started to do Japji Sahib Ji da path in the mornings. He became a totally different person and just from doing path he always answered relating his answer to god or giving phrases out of the bani. But he changed and my family didn't, eventually I realised that he was the one I should follow rather than my dad who always wanted more money, and respect. My dad became more and more jealous if thats the way to put it about my brother always hated him for it and told him off when my brother mentioned the gurus or god. My brother told me that he was going to leave me and go to india and stay at Amritsar and live there, but my brother hanged in there because he was everything to meand I wanted him to wait longer incase everything would be okay. But three years later my brother was still with us and he got married, the marriage fell apart and his wife left with their one month old baby boy all because of my dads behaviour and we were back to the same old story, but my brother neva stopped praying he said these things happen everything will be allright.

My brother even got me doing path and made me understand everything, I just want to take amrit and become a giani and do seva at the gurudwara. So I always prayed for everything to be all right but my dad still never stopped arguing he made things worse by making us work harder and stopped us from going to the gurudwara. We always prayed for everything to be ok, after a while my brother and his wife and my nephew got together but my dad is still the same I cant go anywhere after coming back from colledge I must stay in the house till the next day, but since I've got older I have stopped doing path and stop praying. I keep doing the wrong things I've stopped thinking about god, lost the fear, and would rather liten to music.
I dont know how to get back to how I used to be, I am not even learning from my mistakes. The worst thing is , is that my brother thinks I am religous like him and he trusts me so much so a cant talk to him. A cant talk to no one, I am so depressed, when I try to do path I cant concentrate at all, I feel like a should keep doing path and never stop as soon as I have done it I forget everything and I feel as though I am not learning from it. I still cut my hair and my dad still hits me, I wish he was dead but I still love him I'm not sure whether I should. Basically I dont know what to do or say, I mean I cant even explain my self, what you read above might seem jibberish but its true and I cant seem to get away from everything I want to start a knew life.

please reply with some guidance
thank you for your help

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

_________________________________________________________

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

God bless you, dear, for writing in to us.

There are a couple different issues to look at. One is your father's abuse - which is completely inappropriate. It's very difficult for children when a parent abuses them because there is love that the child has for the parent. But then there is also the real wounding that comes from the abuse. And sometimes - the wounds that come from abuse have to be healed before the more spiritual experiences can unfold.

Do you have to live with your father? Do you have any other siutaiton you can go to? Number one - do whatever you can to get yourself out of the abusive environment. Then, if it's possible for you - through school or through social services - find counseling in order to help you deal with whatever pain you have about your father's behavior and your family.

If you can just get yourself into a more healthy environment and begin to heal from the pain of your family then, in your own souls' time, it will be a natural thing to go back to reading path and having a spiritual connection in your life. But the pain and anger that comes from abuse very often needs to be healed first and as you start to heal, your connection with God will become much clearer to you.

Even if you cannot leave home at this time, please look into getting some counseling as that will help you sort out the depression and give you ideas about what to do next.

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Spirituality is a natural expression of a healthy body and mind. Don't try to force yourself to be somewhere that you're not. Be where you are and just take whatever the next step is to your own healing. If reciting Japji is too much, then try to meditate on the Mul Mantra a few minutes a day. Doing smaller meditations consistently will be a support to you as you go through the pain and the healing of your situation.

Remember that even if you don't know it or feel it, Guru is with you, guiding your every step and the Divine loves you very very much.

Bless you.

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

All love,

GPK