Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Re: Get Married
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 8/11/2003 4:14 AM MDT

This is in response to "Get Married"

Dear Doc,

I feel your pain as I am going thru the same dilemma. One the one hand it's my family and on the other it's my soulmate. (My parents think he's not good enough for me, and they could find me someone "better". My mom cries so much everytime I bring him up) It's a sickenin feelin bein in this situation, as both sides mean so much.

As you are a doctor, I assume you are able to take care of yourself and ya other-half, without the help of your parents. So it should be fairly easy for you to ask ya parents to let you live your life, but what about their life? The best years they spent on you? Puttin you thru med school and all.

It is so easy for people to ask us to stand up for ourselves and leave our parents for our love, though it sounds rational enuff, I believe we are also obliged to our parents for givin us so much. I mean look at yourself, you are a DOCTOR!

My parents and I are a world apart, sometimes I think I am the black-sheep in the family, as I have difficulties livin up to the "sidhi-sadhi" indian girl image, and I tend to rebel alot. There are so many things we have disagreements on, and I get so depressed and frustrated when they do not understand my needs. It's really easy for me to leave them and go have a life with the person I love, as I know I'll be really happy; he's not just a boyfriend, he's my friend, my confidant, someone who truly knows me (and yes way better than my family does), my companion...

However, my family has put their hopes in me and I cannot betray them. I'm at crossroads and I have decided to keep faith in GOD, he'll be there for me(Guru tere karaj saware). I'm tryin my best to convince my family and I am hopin that they would understand, and with the blessin of GOD, I know they would.

All I am tryin to convey here is, dont leave one side for the other, it is your duty and challenge to bring together everyone who matters in your life. And if you do it wholeheartedly and with GOD in mind and heart, you will surely succeed. Therefore, do not let others influence you into abandoning your parents/family or the one you love for that matter. Leavin either of them should be a last resort.

PS. Hope you feel some kind of relief (as I have) that you are not the only one fightin an uphill battle here... someone on the other end of the world is goin thru the same...

********
REPLY
*******
Sat Siri AKaal. Thank you for sharing your experience. I want to add that sometimes one really DOES have to choose. Our parents brought us into this world, but our purpose here is between God and the child. The life we are to live is for God, not the parents. Sometimes parents threaten to cut off, only to relent once they see how intent their child is to live his/her own life. Parents CHOSE to have children. Thus it is their responsibility to take care of them and nurture them as God's trustees on this planet, but the life the child lives as an adult cannot be lived for the parents, nor can they live through the child. It is really important for one to consider this in any such situation as you describe. Guru ang sang,
-DKK