Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	My Past Intreputs With My Leading A Sound Life
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Friday, 6/15/2001 11:18 PM MDT

SAT SRIAKALJL WAHEGURUJI

I AM A 20YR OLD GUY. UPTILL MY 12TH GRADE(WHEN I WAS17) I TOOK MY STUDIES AND LIFE VERY SERIOUSLY . I WAS PREPARING FOR VARIOUS COMPETITIVE PROFESSIONAL EXAMS(ENGG.). AND I WAS SO AMBITIOUS THAT I DUE TO MY STUPIDNESS I NEVER TOOK OUT ENOUGH TIME FOR THE GURU-THE ALLMIGHTY. THEN TO SHARPEN MY COMPETITIVE PROS--PECTS I MOVED TO ANOTHER CITY WHICH OFFERED BETTER COACHING FACILITIES(BUT NOT WITH THE FULL CONSENT OF MY PARENTS AND FREINDS). IT WAS THERE THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED DUE TO STRONG COMPETITION THAT THE COURSE OF MY LIFE CHANGED. SEEING OTHER STUDENTS WHO WERE BETTER THAN ME IN TERMS OF COMPETITIVENESS, I GOT INTO DEEP INFFERIORTY COMPLEX. I WAS HOMESICK. I GOT INTO BAD COMPANY. I BECAME LAZY,INCOMPETENT,LAID BACK SORT OF PERSON WITH LAID BACK APPROACH TOWARDS STUDIES AND LIFE. I GOT INTO SEVERE DEPRESSION .FROM BEEN THE STAR OF THE FAMILY AND HELD IN GREAT SPIRITS BY MY PARENTS , I WAS REDUCED TO A DOWN-TRODDEN GUY WHO JUST WISHED TO END HIS LIFE.
WITH SUCH AN ATTITUDE I FAILED TO CLEAR THE COMPETITIVE EXAMS. MY FRIENDS , WITH WHOM I USED TO STUDY GOT THROUGH WITH FLYING COLOURS AND OBTAINED ADMISSIONS IN REPUTED INSTITUTES.EVEN THOSE WHOSE CALIBRE WAS MUCH BELOW THAN ME GOT GREAT ADMISSIONS. THIS FURTHER DEEPENED MY DEPREESION.
I HAD FREQUENT FIGHTS WITH MY PARENTS.
THAN I SPENT YEAR OUT SCHOOL TO PRERARE AGAIN BUT THOUGHTS WOULDNOT LET ME. MY MIND WANDERED OVER THE PAST. MY IMMUNITY TO DISEASES REDUCED AND I GOT INTO BUNCH OF HEALTH PROBLEMS WHICH WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME, THAN I GOT AN AVERAGE RANK IN THE COMPETITIONS . AND I WAS AMONG MY JUNIORS IN AN INSTITUTE I NEVER WANTED TO BE. STILL I COILDNOT GET RID OFF THE PAST.MY MIND BECAME JUST A PAST RECALLING MACHINE. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO ASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH WONDERFUL GONE DAYS OF PAST.
THE STITUATION CONTINUES TO THE PRESENT DAY . I HAVE KILLED MY DREAM. I HAVE LOST MY DEAR FRIENDS WHO WERE WITH ME SINCE CHILHOOD. I HAVE LOST MY INERTIA FOR CARRER BUILDING. TIME AND AGAIN I HOLD ONLY MYSELF RESPONSIBLE
FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED.MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS HAS ALSO DEGRADED.THE GUILT FEELING AS WHAT I HAVE MADE OF MY LIFE,MY CAREER TEARS ME APART.
THE LAST 3YRS HAVE BEEN THE HELL OF MY LIFE.TIME AND AGAIN I TRY TO BREAK THE CIRCLE AND GET INTO MY ORIGINAL SELF _AS AN INDUSTRIOUS, OBEDIENT PERSON BUT I FAIL EVERTIME. MY HEALTH IS VERY BAD. THERE IS GREAT PRESSURE FROM MY PARENTS TO PERFORM WHO NOW FEEL THAT I AM WORTH NOTHING( I DIDN'T EVER FEEL SUCH PREESURE IN THE PAST). I SUFFER FROM SERIOUS SKIN INFECTIONS AND STOMACH DISORDERS.DURING THIS PERIOD I HAVE LOST 20KGS OF WEIGHT.
I GIVE THE IMPRESSION OF A TRAGIC PERSON RATHER THAN ONE OF A CHARMING YOUTH.
DURING THIS PERIOD SOMETHING GOOD ALSO HAPPENED WHGICH I WOULD LIKE TO MENTION, I TURNED MORE RELIGIUOS WITH FREQUENT VISITS TO GURUDAWARA SAHIB.
I TRIED TO CHANGE BUT WITH NO SUCCESS. BUT THAN I REALIZED THAT MY WHOLE LIFE I HAD NEVER LOVED GOD(FOR WHICH I SHOULD HOLD NON-RELIGIOUS FAMILY AS RESPONSIBLE) AND NOW I AM VISTING HIS DOOR ONLY THAT MY LIFE AGAIN BECOMES NORMAL,IS IT NOT PURE SELFISNESS ON MY PART?WHAT WILL GURUJI THINK?
MY SUBCONCIOUS MIND PRECIVES THE WORLD AS A JUNK WHERE ONLY HAS TO PERFORN. MY NEGATIVE STUPID MIND IS JUST WAITING FOR THE PAST TO BE BACK .SOMETIMES I DONOT FEEL LIKE LIVING.KHALSAJI, PLZ.................... HELP THIS NEEDY ONE
THANKS FOR GIVING A PATIENT HEARING
WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA
WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH
A NEEDY SIKH

*****
REPLY
*********
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Dear One:

We all make mistakes. One of the keys to moving beyond mistakes is forgiveness. Forgive YOURSELF and forgive others who were part of the mistake(s). You cannot go back to the good past, or the bad for that matter. Stop being attached to something you cannot recall. Stop re-living the past! Your attachment to the past is hindering you from living in the present and dealing with the present.

Your focus should be rebuilding, not becoming what you once were overnight. Become something better than the good or bad you once were. Understand that Waheguru may have caused you to go through this for some kind of karmic reason, but it's pretty clear to me that He wants you to come out of it. Don't secondguess His plan. Hold on to His feet in your mind. Do not waste time blaming your family for not practicing devotion. Just set an example and focus on your own spiritual development.

I strongly recommend you continue your dedication to Guru, and keep yourself in the sangat as much as possible. I also recommend that you find yourself a Yoga class to help you transmute the negative self-esteem. The first mistake you appeared to make was thinking that you are inferior to others. Siri Guru tells us that only God has a right to judge us, no one else. Do what you do for Him, not for family or society's approval.

The other thing that will definitely help you rebuild a strong sense of self is daily practice of the NAAM. Siri Guru tells us that the affairs of the one who practices the Naam are all arranged. So don't make excuses, dear one, just DO IT. Start with 11 minutes. Use a mantra tape if you want (I find they help immensely). Or start a group in your sangat that meets to practice the Naam daily (for the power of many chanting the Naam is greater than that of one!). Do it sincerely. You may experience weird thoughts while you practice. This is normal, just keep chanting the Naam. Build your time to 30 or 45 or 60 minutes, whatever you can manage. Do it in the morning, before your day gets started, for it will set you for the day. While you chant pray to Waheguru for guidance on how to restart your life. Perhaps He wants you to consider a different career? Just a thought.

It sounds like you should consider medical help for your depression, since sometimes our brain chemicals become so out of whack that coming out depression is hard without medical help. At least see a doctor and tell him/her the problem. Or you might want to find yourself a therapist or just a good career counselor at a community college or a university (whatever you have access to). Explain that you had a bad run and want to turn your life around. They can be someone to talk to and can give you sound ideas for moving forward. Another option is someone in your sangat who can act as a mentor and counselor. Our sangat is there to support us. If sangat cannot help you through this, perhaps you need to find another gurdwara sangat.

Understand that rebuilding takes time. Miracles happen, but I am suggesting that you don't expect a turnaround overnight, but if you follow these suggestions, you will stabilize, start to feel better about yourself, and have a clear idea of what to do for education and career. Know that Waheguru is All Compassionate and that He has already forgiven you and is supporting you. "Sacha Naam Mayraa Adhaaro" - The True Name is My Only Support. Waheguru has grasped you, now you can grasp His feet.

Guru bless you with success in every way.
-DKK