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Summary of Question:	Hopelessness
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 7/19/2006 6:47 PM MDT

It took a good amount of courage for me to ask you this question so please answer it. I am a 21 year male and I have had a very tough life. I came to U.S. with my family when I was 12 years old. And it was a very tough time for family and especially me since I was going through teenage years. I never took care of myself and my parents were just focused on working hard to settle in United States. I was bullied my middle school and we lived in a terrible neighborhood for many years. It was a very hard time for me. Anyway I am now 21 years old and I must admit that my life is much easier now and I am also more mature than I was earlier in my life. Anyway I try to move on in my life but I have an extremely hard time forgetting my past. I have hard time sleeping since I keep getting flashbacks to my teenage years. Sometimes I just wish that I could stay awake all the time so I don't have to get the flashbacks. I also have many regrets about the way I treated myself and others in my family in the past. It is very hard to forget my past since I am suffering the consequences of my actions in the past. I feel like I am very ugly and I have very low self esteem. I am very depressed and this depression causes me to take my anger on my parents. I am verbally abusive towards my parents even thought I know it is the wrong thing to do. They have worked really hard for me. But I feel terrible in my mind and I take out my anger on other people. I feel like ending my life so that I can end my suffering and the verbal abuse my parents have to endure because of me. I know suicide is against Sikhism but why does God force me to go through so many hardships?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Just for a moment, pretend that you are someone else reading the above statement. What would you advise that person? My apologies, but I have to say it seems to me that you want to hold on to the past so that you can continue to feel like a victim and feel sorry for yourself. That gives you an excuse to be angry and resently, and behave badly, and then you feel guilty for bad behavior, etc. etc. It's a vicious circle -- and until you decide to change your attitude, it's going to continue. The reason that suicide is not a solution (and the reason Sikhism is against it) is that a person who commits suicide simply delays the paying of karma, and usually suffers a lot more in the next life (and in between, before the soul can even reincarnate) -- so don't think suicide is going to end your suffering. There are suicide hot lines, where you can phone and talk to counselors about it. But I think there are some very positive things you can do to change your life right not. REalize that your FEELINGS and memories are thought waves in the mind. They are not permanent, and like the music recorded on a cassette tape (remember those?) you can change that programming by re-recording with Guru's banis, and chanting mantra. Believe me, it works! Especially powerful is Guru Gobind Singh's Jaap Sahib if you can recite it out loud. (and get a CD and play it as much as possible also) Your perspective on life has to widen a lot, now that you are an adult, please contemplate the fact that you are really and truly an immortal soul who inhabits a physical body (and uses a mind) to experience life as a human on planet Earth. Your emotions - feelings- thoughts are controlling YOU, whereas YOU, your spirit and your soul, should be in charge. You need to meditate. You need to chant God's Name. Read from Siri Guru GRanth Sahib. Repeating: EK ONG KAR SAT GUR PRASAD, SAT GUR PRASAD EK ONG KAR about 5 times rapidly helps to turn negative thoughts to positive. Use it frequently. Forgiveness is a powerful energy that can bring you happiness. You need to forgive yourself for whatever you have done that you feel is "wrong" in the past, and you need to forgive your parents the same. Everyone is doing the best they can at the time they do it. THOSE WHO LIVE IN THE PAST HAVE NO FUTURE. Don't destroy your future and this precious gift of human life by wasting your time in regrets. Low self-esteem is just the flip side of EGO. God is breathing in you all the time, so don't insult the Giver of life by feeling bad about yourself. None of us is perfect, if we were, we would not be here on Earth. Try to live Truthfully, with kindness to all, and the courage to face each day. Someday, when God calls you Home, your soul will leave this body, until that time, HONOR the opportunities -- challenges that life presents. "It's not the life that matters, it's the courage that you bring to it." May God bless you and Guru guide your way on. SP