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| Summary of Question: | Made A Mistake.... |
| Category: | Other |
| Date Posted: | Tuesday, 6/22/2004 11:06 PM MDT |
I am a whire woman who met my husband a while back and we had a daughter together, after his father passed away he changed completely he got very abusive towards the both of us and after a while I couldnt keep my daughter there so I left when I seen it effect her.
I then met a Sikh man who I will not name and we have been together for 2 1/2 years. I got pregnant for him and had a son. When I told him I was pregnant he cried and begged me over and over again that he didnt want a child. My answer to him was he shouldnt have been out with women. Anyways he promised to be there tell our son was 1. I wasnt ok with it but had no other choice, we fought so much after that.
His parents started questioning why he was never home, where was he all the time he lied to them everyday and many times a day. His parents seen us together one day and started asking questions he said I was his friend's wife. They didnt belive him. Started pressuring him to stay home. I started pressuring him to be there with me and help me. So then he started fighting with his parents. He would lie to me and then I would start telling him I would call his parents if he didnt come when I told him.
After our son was born we were visiting another province with our son to see my relatives. He told his parents that he was going to a different province with his friends. I found out while we were visiting my relatives that he had another woman pregnant he lied and told me they were friends, i spoke to this woman and she told me things that confirmed it. When I told him she was pregnant he broke down and told me he was cheating on me fromt the start.
This made me more angrier. I was already upset I would have to be a single parent to his son. So then things just turned worse we were always fighting. Both his parents and I put demands on him. He was getting angrier for being in the situation.
So one day I had a HUGE fight with him and he went home and told his parents he does have a child and they told him to deny his son and never to talk to me again. His brother in law called me and told me I was a stupid woman I should have relized what "khalsa" families were about. That my son was an "it" and so on. he also works for a radio startion and the night after this happened he was on the radio saying to follow ur religious beliefs and not allow "non" sikhs to take away from ur beliefs especially white's.
I decided to move 3000 miles away cause I didnt want to be in the same city as him it hurt to much, before I left he talked with me and he came back to my home before I left to say bye.. he cried I cried...
Since I have been here we had contact everyday.. most days we argue.. I just came back from a visit with him last month.
It hurts so much that he can go on with his life as a single person with no mistakes.. my mistake with his family was I had a child before I met their son and I was white... but he has a child now before marriage.. how can they judge me??
I want to hurt them all so bad.. I feel I left to quietly.. I wanted to put a birth announcement on the tv show naming his grandparents I know that would bring shame... or find out when he will be getting married and tell his wife... or send reminders to their home like Happy Fathers Day/ Grandfathers day with a picture. I couldnt tell his wife either because she is innocent.. I would like to warn her what he is like.. but I know I would be doing it for the wrong reasons.
But I know I couldnt... I feel bad enough they think so little of me.. I feel so hurt.. and I know I wont do anything.. but I am so depressed.. I feel like I am sinking in a big black hole..
I love my son and happy I have him.... but I hurt so bad.. he knows who his dad is cause when his dad calls he speaks to my son and my son calls him dada or dadee.. calls me mama and his sister ga ga (short for her name)
It hurts me my son so beautiful has his dad turn his back on him already... why should he be punished cause of my stupid mistakes....
My son's father seems like he cares one minute and the next he doesnt.. he just got a brand new car... and now going to India for the summer.. and I ask him for money for my son's milk and diapers.. his complaint is he has no money... I dont want to bring him to court cause I want no legal papers to be traced.. because I dont want his wife to get hurt....
He is not married yet, nor are they looking yet as far as I know... but he will one day...
Please do not give me any rude comments.. I am living with enough pain dealing with some of the mistakes I made.... I couldnt deal with anymore...
(REPLY) Sat Nam. You are in a very unhappy, sad situation. The thing is, do you want to be happy, and make a good life for your son? Or do you want to continue to be bitter and resentful? Yes, the man is responsible for getting you pregnant, but you had sex with him willingly. You have to forget the past, forget about taking revenge, and start to create some "good" karma for yourself by living a life of which your son can be proud. Ideally, if you can appreciate the beauty of the Sikh religion, then go to any Gurdwara regularly, and listen to the kirtan, help to make langar. If that doesn't appeal to you, then find a Church or some faith that you can follow, and live as a spiritual woman. Again, you must forget the past if you want a happy future. Otherwise you'll spend your whole life in regret and guilt, and that is unproductive and foolish. Don't make the same mistakes again. Live celibate, and stop communicating with your son's father. May God bless you and Guru guide you. SP
Made A Mistake.... (06/22/2004)