Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Advice Needed
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 8/16/2004 1:06 PM MDT

Hi, I would like to ask a question about my personal life. I know this guy for 1 year now. He wants to be married to me and i also dont mind marrying him. His parents were always against our marriage but slowly slowly they accepted it. But also, he stepped back from marriage twice because his parents were not happy and then he came back as he apologised and said he was under pressue and could not think so just gave up. I understood what he must have gone through so i said thats fine. My mother passed away recently i was going through a very hard time so i asked this guy to stop calling me and told him i wont marry him as due to my mother's death i hated the idea of being married to anyone. Then i had to go to india with my mother's ashes, and he came to meet me, he seemed very nice to me and i just said its ok with me for marriage, then he brought his parents at my home so that they can see me. His parents didnt say anything, they acted as if everything is fine as their son was happy in this. But after few days, they started telling him that they are not happy with anything, not the girl, not the family caste, not the financial status. He is still with me and told them that he will only marry me.

The behaviour of his parents really hurt me, even that after my mother's death !! They know their son knows me for a year, they know just 2 months ago my mother died, they tell their son to leave me and say they wont come on our wedding. The main reason i said a no to this guy straight after my mother's death was due to his parents reaction, him being the only son, and thinking i will have probs with inlaws after marriage. Same thing happened again. Still after meeting him, knowing he is a nice guy and he is standing up for the marriage, i feel hurt that his parents did not accept me even after this long time. I dont want inlaw probs after marriage, i want to live happily, i told him that he can go and marry according to his parents wish indirectly. Sometimes i feel like telling him that i dont want to marry him as i dont feel like trusting his parents and have doubts on whether he will stay the same after marriage. I really feel sad that his parents wont be part of the wedding or are not happy with me even after meeting me. This keeps me tensed and i reach the solution that after marriage, if he stays the same, i will be happy but if he changes towards me due to his parents as he is very attached to them and it took him atleast 1 year to stand up so strongly infront of his parents for our marriage, my life will not be good.

Pls shadow some of your views on this situation and let me know if their is any paath i can do for guidance.

Thanks & Regards

(REPLY) Sat Nam. So sorry that you lost your mother. May her soul be blessed to dwell in Akaal Purkh. As for this on-again-off-again marriage. A couple of thoughts to share with you: First: Recite the SO PURKH section of Rehiras as a regular routing, perhaps 11 times a day. It is said to have the power - when chanted by the women, to make a man into a saint! Second: Don't expect anyone to change after your marriage. In-laws problems are obviously going to be major, and unless you husband really takes a stand now, I can't be very optimistic about how he's going to treat you after marriage. Unless you move far away from his parents, it seems pretty obvious, you're in for trouble. This thing about "caste" is so objectionable! And money? Is he dependent upon them financially? Are they hoping for a dowry? This is the year 2004, you sound like an adult, not a kid -- so I'm wondering if you really want to risk your future and your happiness with a man who has already demonstrated that he is not strong enough to stand for you if his parents disapprove. I hope you have a career, I hope you have enough self-respect that you can confront him and tell him either he faces his family like a man, or you will not marry him. Anyway, there are the choices that I see available to you. May God bless you with courage and strength, and Guru guide you with wisdom. SP