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Summary of Question:Why Only One Marriage?
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Friday, 6/23/2000 1:54 PM MDT

I am just curious: Does Shri Guru Grunth Sahib ji's bani says something about only one marriage? If yes, is there any significance of only one marriage?

Is not marrying at all a sin or bad thing? or is having two wives at same time a sin?
Please answer from Gurbani's perspective.

Budaphakir.

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REPLY
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Dear Budaphakirji:

Sat Siri Akal. The Sikh code of conduct says that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Moreover, extra-marital sex (adultery) is wrong. A man can only have one wife at a time, although legally divorced Sikhs and those whose spouses have died can re-marry. Sikhi does not allow a man to have more than one wife at the same time.

The significance of 'only one marriage' is that when a couple circles the Guru 4 times, they EACH marry the Guru, and Guru is who brings them together and keeps them together. The work then of the married ones is to remember the Guru in their daily lives together, and let Guru get them through the good & bad times both. A couple should make EVERY attempt then, to stay married until death. While it is true some people just are not meant to be together for life, many troubled marriages are that way because the couples have forgotten that they married the Guru. Said differently, when Sikhs marry, they cannot assume that when the going gets rough in married life, they can blow off their commitment by separating or divorcing. (This is why they say marriage is work!).

There is nothing wrong with being unmarried. Sikhi teaches us that we can live the life of married householders and, by the practice of bani, bana, simran & seva, be liberated. Some of us (like me) have chosen NOT to get married, but I still live the life of a single Sikh householder; I am not an ascetic. What Sikhi doesn't teach or encourage is Sikhs deciding that the only way to know Waheguru is to avoid marriage and run off to a cave and live like a hermit. We must have SANGAT, for in the True Sangat (congregation) we can have the vision of the True Guru.

God bless you!
-DKK



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