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Summary of Question:	Like Guy
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Thursday, 7/10/2003 6:25 AM MDT

Hello, firstly i'd like to say i have found the website very helpful and u've done a really good job!

My problem is this, I started to find a guy attractive in September- i only saw him from a distance and so i didnt think about him or anything like that i just thought he was good looking. Then about 6 months later i used to always see him in the library (he is very studious). I began to really like the way he presented himself...shy and not like he has an ego and he just seemed to be doing his own thing. Then we got introduced but he was not very responsive because he is very shy. Just seeing him everyday I began to like him more and more (although we did not talk at this stage). I was impressed by the way he carried himself because although he is very very goodlooking and almost every girl in my universtiy likes him, he was still very composed.
After about 3 weeks a mutual friend told me that he likes me. I was so surprised. And so we talked (although not about how we liked each other), and then that was it. I saw him again and we talked very little. Then he gave a mutual friend his number to give to me. We texted each other for a night and the next day he came to see me in the library and sat with me for 2 hours (throughout this time he was mainly studying although we did speak too). Then after that day i heard nothing at all from him. So i text him first just to say hello but got no response. Then another week later I text him again saying, i havent heard from you but hope your ok etc and then he finally replied wit a very basic response. From this i assumed that he was not interested (although part of me thought it was because he was so shy that he did not keep much contact). Then we'd see each other in library and just say hello or talk for a couple of minutes. I was sure at this stage that his studies were more important than bothering with me so I almost gave up. Then one day i was studying alone in a room and he came to where i was. He said he was 'looking for the toilets.' He stayed and chatted to me for 2 hours and we really got on- we talked about everything from our faith in sikhi to our family lives (but did not discuss that we liked each other). I thought things were better between us and that as soon as his exams are over that he would make more effort with me. The next time i saw him after our 2 hour talk was in a club (I only go with friends very occasionally and with very clean thoughts). He had been drinking a bit (he doesnt drink often either but our exams had just finished). I spoke to him for a couple of minutes and that was it. Then I saw him dancing with 2 other girls that night (it was JUST dancing but he seemed like he didnt care that i was even there, and it was the girls who were initiating it). We didnt talk again that night. That was the last time i saw him. I text him on his reults day and he immediately replied to tell me how he did. Then i did not hear anything from him.
Because i so desperately wanted to know where we stood, i text him again and asked him if he would like to meet up the follwing week and that if he would he should let me know. But there was no reply at all.
I feel so hurt that he said nothing at all. I still really like him and think that he is such a decent guy and that something could still happen in the furture. Am i clearly foolish for thinking that he may still like me?
And should I text him again asking him why he did not have the decency to text me back even if it was just to say that he did not like me and did not want to meet up?
I think I still like this guy very much but have realised that it was not nice of him to ignore my text the way that he did. But what should I do.
I have never been out with a guy before or even really been near a guy but this guy seemed like he was worth it...i still think he might be. But when i think about everything that has happened i dont know if he is just playing games or he is genuinely confused.
I feel guilty about liking him because i feel that my faith is telling me that if it is meant to be then guru ji will bring him to me.
I cant talk to anyone about it because if i told my parents then they would think that ii am chasing boys but i have never ever done this! I just need some guidance and i feel that your advice to other people is so good so maybe you could help tell me what i can do, and should i confront him? get over him?
waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I'm sorry to tell you that you ARE chasing him, and for your own self-respect, you need to stop it. It's very obvious that he doesn't want to get involved, and guys are funny, he may like you, and enjoy talking with you, if you just happen to meet, but it's obvious he doesn't want to be chased, or feel obligated to you! By your calling him or "confronting" him and trying to get him to pay attention to you, you'll just drive him farther away.
I sincerely hope you can get over this "crush" you have on him, so you don't make a fool of yourself -- which, and my apologies for being so blunt -- you are very close to doing! Just forget about him! Get busy with groups of other friends, and let God and Guru bring you the people and things that are best for you, instead of chasing after something or someone because of your emotions.