Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Girls & Boys
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 6/30/2001 2:20 PM MDT

WJKK

WJKF

I have some confusion over the different treatment for girls & boys in our society.

1. Why is it that people prefer boys than girls? I have two daughters, 3 years & 10 weeks of age. While I was pregnant with both most relatives expressed their expectations of wanting a Boy. Although I really wanted a girl the first time and I had one. I only wanted 2 children one boy and one girl. But as a mother I do not think that I would've loved my son (if i had one) any more than I love my daughters. Why is it that a boy's birth is Celebrated while a girl's birth is kept quiet. I mean when a boy is born all relatives and friends are informed immediately but when a girl is born there doesn't seem to be a great rush in announcing the birth.

2. I also observed that most people pray to God so that they are granted a Son. Does this have any religious significance? I mean does God give girls easily & Boys only on request? I've always believed that God is the creator of all and its already decided by God how many & what sex children one is going to have. So why should we feel upset on the birth of a girl?

3. In some families Girls names aren't taken at the Gurdwara. Why?

4. Why do girls have to face inferiority to boys and why do most parents show preference to boys by treating them differently?

Please reply soon and let me know what our religion says about the above.
I'm sorry my questions are a bit long and require detailed answers but I'm sure you'll reply soon to help me understand.

Many thanks,

Manjit

*******
REPLY
*******

Dear Manjit-
Sat Siri Akaal ji.

The reasons for all the discrimination you cite are based in Indian culture, where boys bring in wealth, and girls mean wealth is spent. This is because traditionally, when a girl is married, her family had to provide a dowry to the groom's family. (There are other reasons besides this, but I don't recall them, not being Indian myself.) So many boys bring in daughters-in-law and dowries, and the reverse. Indian society--like many--is patrilineal, which means the husband's/man's name is kept and the family lines are traced through the males, not the females. Indian women are traditionally identified by the MALES in their lives, be it their fathers, their husbands, or their sons. For some Indian women whose husbands die, they commit satee -- killing themselves on their husbands funeral pyre. There is a practice in India that still, unfortuantely, occurs, which is the murder of baby girls because the horrible sexism you have seen gets taken to an extreme. Now, if a society has no daughters, how does one think it
can EVER have sons???????

There is no basis in Sikhi for praying for sons, or honoring sons over daughters or any other sex discrimination as you describe. Guru Nanak himself is very clear about why we should respect women. Every morning in Asa Di Var, one of the sloks that is recited is:
Slok M. 1 (Siri Guru Granth Sahib p. 473)"Bhand jammee-ai, bhand nimmee-ai, bhand mangan vee-aho...."
English: "From woman man is born, insider her is he formed; with woman man is engaged and married. With woman is man's friendship, and with woman man journeys through the world. If one Woman dies, man seeks another, to the woman is man bound. Why call her bad from whom are born the great ones [kings, gurus]? From woman is woman born, without a woman, no human being is born. Nanak, only the True Lord is independent of woman. The mouth, by which one ever praises the Lord is fortunate and beauteous like pearls. Nanak: their faces shine bright in the court of the True One."
God indeed does have a plan for each soul born, and some indeed, have to be girls. He made both genders for obvious reasons!!

I am GLAD you had two wonderful princesses born to you! Raise them and praise them and honor them and ignore those who think you should have borne sons. Clearly, Waheguru wants you to raise princesses, and teach them always that they are just that: princesses of the Guru. Celebrate their birthdays every year with a sacred celebration that makes them believe they are special! Take them to gurdwara and train them in all aspects of Sikhi, and never for a moment let them think that they are less than boys. God bless you always,
-DKK