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Summary of Question:	Does Waheguru Agree With This Relationship/Friendship?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 1/24/2001 12:34 AM MST

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Wahguru Ji Ki Fathe!

Hi..I have known this guy for 7 going on 8 years, I was 14 when I met him. We got to know one another well, after 1 year of our initial meeting, my parents found out and they did not agree with our relationship because he is not a responsible person because he has little education and rarely lived at home...but the way I see it he has a good heart and comes from a good Gursikh family. When we first met, he liked me and I did not want to pursue it...but after 3 months I gave in and that is how things started...but then as time went on I went to India 3 times in the period of our 7 years of knowing one another...and I always promised myself and my family that I would no longer have any contact with him, but each time I came back we got together somehow, and when I came back this time he had found a girl and is now with her...my family has been advised by a a person who has strong spirtual beliefs in Guru Di Bani...and they and I have been told that he is not good for me, and I do paath (nitnaam) but I canno

t seem to continue, I can do paath for a year at a time without any interruptions (or atleast allowing any) but lately I cannot seem to start...and I seem to love him more than I ever have before, but I know this is wrong because he talks to me like a best friend and tells me about her, and she does not seem right for him and I even told him that and along with that I told him that I may be the wrong person to be getting advise from. I love him (I think) because he has been the only guy in my life and I have given so much to him and I did not expect anything in return...and the last conversation that I had with him was that he does not think that him and this girl will get married, but he cannot say forsure if him and I will get married either (which I understand because no-one knows what the future will bring only Waheguru knows)...and for what reason I don't know but whenever my parents or family and friends say for me to find a guy or they want to set me up with someone...I get angry and I don't want anyo

ne else, and I also find it hard to even think to love someone else.
Many times I have tried to challenge myself, by doing paath and ardaas...for example:
He was to come in town, and I wasn't sure of wanting to meet him, so I did paath and in my ardaas I asked Waheguru Ji to only let us meet today if we were going to be in one anothers life for a long time and be together...and we did meet (but keeping in mind that he still has a girlfriend) is there a hidden sign or what could that be taken for? am I making more of it than it is?
Can you please give me some guidence as to why I have met this person who has remained in my life fo r so long but no to be mine? Is it wrong for me to do ardaas and ask for him to be mine?....
I know we have been given this life to find within ourselves the love for Guru..which I would like to continue and not overlook what we were so preciously given life for.
Your time and efforts will be greatly appreciated!
Thanx

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REPLY
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Dear One:

You are asking Waheguru to make this man yours, when Waheguru has clearly already made him someone else's. It might be better to pray for help in letting this person go completely. Because you will most likely always be attracted to him, but that attraction is not reciprocated at the level you would like. You are driving yourself to distraction with attachment, one of the 5 diseases that afflicts humanity, according to Siri Guru. Perhaps the lesson Guru wants to teach you is learning non-attachment. To do this, you would need to put him out of your mind and MOVE ON. By this I mean no contact, no letters, no calls, nothing. Depending on geography, the farther you can get and stay away the better. Deep attachments such as the one you described need TIME and DISTANCE to overcome; I speak from PERSONAL experience similar to yours.

I cannot say exactly why you met this person, but no doubt Waheguru brought him into your life because of a karm or karma. It could be you have repeated this situation (as you describe above) OVER and OVER, lifetime after lifetime, and now it may be time to end it so you don't do it yet again! Your love indeed should be for Guru first, and while Guru wants us to love the people in our life, He does not want us to become so attached to them that we forget Him, or focus our prayers on cultivating the attachment to them!

Do Ardas for releasing attachment, bless this person in your heart, and then conciously let him GO. Keep up your Paath and practice Naam Simran daily. The practice of the Naam will help you gain a meditative, neutral mind, and ease the letting go process considerably. Again, I can vouch for this personally.

Guru bless you to be attached only to His Lotus Feet!
-DKK