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Summary of Question:	Bringing Up Children
Category:	Sikh Practices
Date Posted:	Thursday, 8/02/2001 10:57 PM MDT

WJKK

WJKF

I have 2 daughters aged 3 years and 14 weeks. I am trying to bring up my daughter with the teaching that she should not eat meat. Obviously I will explain to her why when she is old enough to understand. But the problem I have is that my in-laws are not religious at all. Every time i say I do not want to give meat to my daughter I have to face a question like "why not let her eat meat now because when she is older she will eat it anyway". I get upset about it each time because I feel that I should try to bring up my kids with knowledge of sikhism and teach them whats right and wrong for them as sikhs. I believe that I'm doing the right thing and I feel when they're old enough to understand they can choose for themselves whether to practise sikhism or not. I feel that I'm doing my duty and the other thing is that my brother has 2 boys aged 7 and 4 years. They both have uncut hair and the elder has just had the "turban ceremony" in India. My brother also has a seperate prayer room. By the way we believe

is SHAHEEDS. Anyway my in-laws think that my brother should allow his boys to cut their hair because they'll do so when they're older. Every time their question is "whats the point teaching our kids to practice a way of life that they will not accept when they're older?" Please tell me if I and my brother are wrong in teaching our kids the sikhi way from early age. The other question I'm faced with is that "will my brother be punished by God for carrying out the Turban Ceremony if his son cut his hair when he's older?" Could you please answer this for me. Could you also explain the meaning of the "Turban Ceremony" in detail because when I'm confronted with a question relating to it I cannot answer it. I often end up getting into arguments because I'm constantly told not to enforce my beliefs on my children. My in-laws also believe that those families who are too much into religion always live in great conflict and have lots of arguments. Is that true that you should not practise religion if you want to l

ive in harmony. My last question is that I do "Dhoof" whenever I can. Its from the "Sixth Gurus" Gurdwara from India brought by my brother. If my Brother-in-law is at home when I do it he does not like it. He does not like the smell and gets angry and will bring in his air freshner straight away. I feel very hurt and offended by his attitude. I think it is very disrespectful to God and once I brought Prasad for him from a Gurdwara in a tissue and he refused to eat it. Obviously this is a result of bringing him up with no understanding of our religion and I could never bear to see my kids turn out like that. I just wanted to know if God will punish him for his behaviour. Please contact me with answers as soon as possible and many thanks for taking your time out for me.

WJKK
WJKF

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reply
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Sat Nam Dear One,
You have every right and duty to bring your children up the way you want. Your in-laws are coming from a place to scepticism and fear. It is not our Sikh tradition to give up. We fight for what we believe, for ourselves and others. You must stand up for what you believe is right for your children. Your children's souls chose you to raise them, not your in-laws. (Your brother has that same right, as do all parents) Your in-laws have no right to interfere.

And what I am going to say now will sound harsh, but you have every right to demand that they respect your wishes in regard to your children, or you will restrict their contact with them. There are many parents in our Sikh Dharma of the West community who have done just that. I know my parents wanted to feed meat to my children, call them Christian names, etc. I did not allow my children to visit them, until they promised that they would respect my wishes. Yes, grandparents have the right to spoil their grandchildren, but they do NOT have the right to undermine the mother's wishes of how she is raising her children.

It is very important that your husband and you are united on this. It is his parents. It would be best if he is the one who tells his parents that they must respect his and your wishes. If he doesn't, his parents will continue to undermine your efforts, which will make your job much, much harder...and it will only get harder as the children are tempted by the Western maya. If the parents are proud of their Sikh heritage, the children will "catch" that pride and enthusiasm. If the parents are divided, it is almost impossible.

Send your children to Khalsa camps, have them spend time with other Khalsa adults and children. It is not impossible to raise Khalsa children...but it takes effort and your prayers. And, as I always use to tell my children..."If when you get to be adults, you decide to cut your hair and not be Sikhs, atleast I know that I raised you with good values and those values will go with you, no matter how long your hair is." My children are grown now and they all are wonderful adults, with high ideals and values. Don't give in. Your children will thank you some day. My prayers are with you. GTKK