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Summary of Question:	Personal Challenge
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 12/02/2003 7:24 AM MST

wkk wkf

i am an amritdhari sikh girl in my 20's.
In my late teens my parents has posted my matrimonial on sikhnet along with my website link. Many gursikh boys approached us some were amritdharis , some still believed in caste system, etc. We had got an application of a boy who was the only amritdhari in his fly and was settled in the other corner of the world. He claimed to my family that he has madly fallen in love with me bcoz i am a modern, beautifull and well educated gursikh girl. I somehow was not ready b'coz his family was not gursikh, he promised me n number of things like they say in love and i trusted him bcoz he was a gursikh. When i was going to take amrit my dad had opposed my decision and said that i ahd to stay as a spinster bcoz i will not an amritdhari boy and at that spur of the moment i replied "From today my father is Guru Gobind Singh and my Mother is Mata Sahib Dewan Kaur so u please dnt worry about my marriage let my Guru worry he will send his son to marry me"

The way everything happened i remembered what i said and thought that my Guruji has send this boy to marry me. My half family is in the same country where he stays and they also liked him as a sikh. We got engaged b4 marriage he came twice to meet me and showered me with lots of love and gifts that everyone used to envy my luck.

We just got married and he has gone back i am in india with my parents since i dnt have my visa till now. I am feeling very bad to say that my loving fiance was a rude and shot tempered husband he yelled at me during our honeymoon , used to bang his head with the walls why i still dnt know? when ask him he says he had some problems. our honeymoon was a hell 4 me where i cried day and night. During night my husband used to sleep b4 i came to the bed and withis face on the other side. today whne i talk to him he tells me sorry and promises me that he will take me for a honeymoon again bcoz he had ruined this trip .He stays with hsi uncle his aunt cooks non veg in the house which i discovered again after marriage and we had a big fight again bcoz in my house not even egg is allowed and he had told me that no one cooks non veg in his house. there are many otherthings which i cannot type or tell anyone but which that guru knows but now the way my life has taken this turn i am losing faith in guru bcoz i see girls who were amritdharis sacrificed their amrit and marries boys who were financially well off are much happier than me on the contrary i have been cheated ad duped by no one else but an amritdhari sikh whom i trusted for everything he said bcoz i had blind faith in guru's amrit but now my life is ruined i dnt remember when i ad laughed lately whereas i was a girl who used tolaugh and make others laugh to. can u just tell me whats my fault? is my fault that i loved guruji and trusted his sikhs i didnt see money i didnt see his family i didnt see his education i just saw that he was a sikh and he loved guruji and me dearly . today i am so depressed that i dnt feel liek entering teh gurdwara also even when i used to go to the gurdwara i used to keep looking at guru granth sahib like a statue . i really dnt know what i shd do i cant even think of doing suicide bcoz i have given my life to guruji when i took his amrit , my husband has said whatever happens he will not give me divorce bcoz he loves me.
what shd i do?

please give me reply i am going through a lot of trauma and pain i need help

(REPLY) Sat Nam. You sound like a girl -- actually a woman ! of strength and courage. How much moral support will you get from your parents? Do you have relative with whom you could live if you get a divorce? Are you capable of earning a living? Do you have a college degree, or a profession? There are many things to think about. if what you have related is accurate, I believe you will be better off getting a divorce. Consult a lawyer. I don't know what the laws are in India regarding divorce,and you have not said what country your husband is in. He sounds very unstable, he has lied to you. Keep your faith, and realize that everythng that comes to us is a test, a lesson to be learned. It may be good and pleasant, or terrible and unpleasant, but how we deal with it is what matters. You need some professional counseling, not based on cultural mores, but on common sense and human decency. No wife should ever be abused, and yet I know it happens. Don't let it happen to you. There are worse things than remaining single! God bless you and Guru guide you. SP