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Summary of Question:	Re: Personal Challenge
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 12/11/2003 3:14 PM MST

Dear sister,

I can relate to your problem because I was married to one like your husband. First of all please stop thinking that Guru Ji let you down. None of us know what His plans are for us, it may be decades before you will find out why Guru ji has sent such a man for you.

Like the moderator has suggested, he is very unstable. Like you wrote, one time he bangs his head against wall for no apparent reason & another time tells you that he loves you. No normal man can see tears in his new bride’s eyes especially during honeymoon. Honeymoon period is for getting to know each other without any family interferences or usual worldly responsibilities.

Your waiting period for visa is going to create further hurdles for you to build a bond with your husband which is very necessary for a happy marriage.

Depending on the circumstances e.g. if you have completed your studies and can do job; so that you are not burden on anyone, like how young you are to start your life all over again, how long you have to wait for visa, can marriage be annulled if it is longer period than you anticipated, what are the laws of divorce in India if you wish to initiate it etc. etc. will help you decide what you can do under the circumstance.

If I were you & had nothing more to loose I would give it one more try – if you get your visa within an year & he comes back to spend couple of months with you in India before you go and join his family in a foreign country; during that time you can clarify his actions of honeymoon; if he is not honest & does not communicate well; forget that you will ever be soul-mates.

When I got married I was only 22 & gave good three years to my marriage in spite of the fact that I did not have my family’s support because they mentally abused me for dowry. After long time of mental abuse & ill treatment; finally my prayers were heard, one day Guru ji gave me call & blessed me with Amrit di daat. That is when I had the guts to leave this guy. Today I am married with an amritdhari loving husband with wonderful son and daughter.

Wish you much happiness in life!!!
Gur Raakha!

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Advice from someone who cares! SP