Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	His Past Relationship
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 1/21/2005 7:33 AM MST

Please help me. I am engaged to someone who had a previous long term relationship that didn't work out. He was invovled with her sexually and they had sex while they were together. Although I did know this going in, I am now having a very very hard time letting go of it. I cant let it stop bothering me and it makes me very uncomfortable to think he was with someone like this before me. I start asking him lots of questions and then when he gives answers it makes me even more upset and bothered because then I keep thinking about details. How can I stop letting these thoughts consume my mind and be happy that we are getting married. From a guys perspective is she someone you think he will ever forget because she was his first and the first is the most special, I always thought. Please help me and tel me how to forgive him for this and regain that respect.

(REPLY Sat Nam. A lot depends upon why his past relationship didn't work out. But, more important than that is that when you marry, it is imperative that you both put the past behind you, and realize that you are starting fresh in a new relationship. You are very foolish to question him about anything to do with his former girlfriend. Bt asking him questions, you are just annoying him, putting him on the defensive, and making him think about the past. Far better that he should forget it! It should be sufficient to know that he has chosen to marry you. As for "forgiving" him, I assume he was not engaged to you when he had this former relationship, and so it's really none of your business what he did before. Let it go! Stop being jealous, or you will ruin your marriage for sure! Men have a different attitude toward sex than women do, and it's not that big a deal to them. I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but it's definitely true. So if you want to be happy, and you want to have a happy marriage, you have to stop being insecure, and do your best to be as graceful and loving and kind a woman as you can. Included in your daily reading of your Banis, be sure to recite Jaap Sahib, so that you build more self-esteem. I think that if you were sure of yourself, you wouldn't be worrying about the past. Drop it! May God and Guru bless you, SP