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Summary of Question:	Why Is It So Wrong That A Sikh Girl Is Dating A Sikh Guy??
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 9/10/2001 10:17 AM MDT

Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Jee Kee Fateh

My question may have been asked many times before. I am a 17 year old Sikh girl living in alberta canada. My question was that why do many older sikh people think that dating someone that is sikh is wrong?? I have been dating a jatt guy since grade 9 and i am now in grade 11, my parents were not happy when they found out about it and they still are vey much against us. But i didnt not see what was wrin in falling for a sikh guy most of all a jatt something that my parents should be happy about. They have there mind set that this is not the guy that i will be getting married to, but we have made a promise to each other that we will live are life together no matter what. Is there a way that i can explain to parents that he is the one that i want and that he is great guy and he loves me and i love him.
thanks
i hope that u can help me solve this problem for mine

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REPLY
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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

Actually, none of us can SOLVE your problem here. Indian Sikh parents often feel that they must decide who their daughters marry, and they often don't feel they need to include the daughters' point of view. They see the fact that you have a thing for this fellow as endangering their face in the community, and fear you have lost your honor, thereby causing them to lose theirs. Remember that in a traditional Indian family, children's viewpoints are not included when it comes to marriage. Parents look to marry their children to 'respectable' families, but respectable is not about character, but class and status.

So, it is up to you to prove to them that their face and your virtue are intact, and it is up to you to find a middle ground so that you can work with them on the issue of partner. All I can suggest is you create a formal means for them to meet this fellow, and for him to show to them that he is of good character, and that his vision for his life is one that is respectful of their daughter, and that can provide for her and a family.

Sikhs are not supposed to observe caste and status when arranging marriages, but it is done ALL the time. You are basically telling them that is not important to you. It is up to young people like you to take the brave step of teaching PARENTS that caste and status are irrelevant to Sikhs, that they have NO BEARING WHATSOEVER on the character of the person, or his/her relationship to Guru. There are many other posts in this forum on caste, love and marriage. Look for additional ideas by searching the Forum. But know that you are breaking new ground, here, and that it won't be easy and that it can cause tension in your family relationships.

PS: You mention your parents, but is it certain to you and your friend that HIS parents are OK with the idea of the two of you together???? You don't need to reply to this, but remember that BOTH families will want to be happy with the relationship.

Guru rakha,
-DKK