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Summary of Question:SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Wednesday, 4/12/2000 4:18 PM MDT


I recently got engaged. It was an arranged marriage. We aren't getting married for a couple of years. I wanted to know if it was ok to have sex before the actual marriage. We love each other very much. BUt i don't know if it is right. He wants to have sex now but Im not sure if i should wait or not. Please help!!!!!!!


Dear Gurjit Kaur ji,

In our Sikh way of life we do not have sex before marriage.

We always follow the guideline of respect for women and treat them as sister or Mom or daughter before marriage.

In your case, as it must be very cosy to have this relationship of caring and also to know that you will be married. However, you are not married and he has not made this marriage commitment to you yet. You have much more to loose, honor, self respect and the imprint of this man on your psyche (for life)if the marriage does not occur.

If you have so much privacy and intimacy that you could have sex, then change that situation. Meet each other in social situations with family or friends chaperoning so you are not tempted.

Why not use this time to strengthen your spiritual bond together. Let him espress his love and respect for in other ways. Take the time to do your Path together....go for walks and recite Jaap ji Sahib. Have a date and go to the Siri Guru Granth Sahib and take a hukam and find out the meaning and how the advice applies to your life together. Learn kirtan together. Study the lives of the Gurus' and their children. Go to couples workshops on communication.

This is time you can prepare yourself by learning what marriage is and coonsider taking time to learn and enjoy yourself before you are entangled in the emotionality of a sexual relationship with out the support and commitment of marriage.

God bless you and guide you.

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