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Summary of Question:	Amrit And Girlfriends
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 1/27/2001 9:40 AM MST

I am a baptised sikh boy living in Birmingham, UK. I am 17 years old and go to college. At college i have fallen for a girl and am having problems keeping my mind off of her. At first it was just looks and now it's getting deeper and deeper. She has not taken amrit, she is Sikh though. I would like to know if i am allowed to go out with her without braking my amrit. If i can, how involved can i get without braking my amrit. Many thanx

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REPLY
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Dear Singh of the Guru--

It is not unusual to fall for someone and not be able to get your mind off her, especially when you are young! But you are Sikh, and our Rehit gives us tools to control our minds. First I would recommend you keep your daily banis and also keep a practice of Naam Simran for at least 11 minutes/day; the longer the better. This will give your mind stability.

In your immediate situation, it is your responsibility to protect this woman's honor, since you ARE Amritdhari. Sikhi prohibits sex outside of marriage, period. The problem you will face is if you date, especially at night, just the two of you, you may be tempted in ways you don't fully envision. The BEST way to see this woman is to see her in a group of your peers. For example, a group of 6-7 classmates that are mixed boys/girls. Then you can get to know her in an environment that does not easily lead to loss of honor or even rumours of it! Or go to Sunday Gurdwara at the same place and sit in langar with other youths including her. See? The other thing to do if she is also interested in you, is to meet her family and she meet yours. Make it clear to her as well that you are Amritdhari and would like to get to know her, but within the parameters of keeping your Rehit. Keep EVERYTHING as above-board as possible.

Another point: if you were to marry this woman tomorrow, whether or not she takes Amrit is not really at issue. No Sikh should take Amrit unless and until they feel ready for the commitment it involves. There are lots of Sikh married couples out there where one is Amritdhari and the other is not. However, since you are Amritdhari, you are in a position to encourage her (as a fellow Sikh!) to consider it.

Finally, please see the MANY posts on this type of topic; start by looking at the Sikhnet Youth Forum under topic "Love and Marriage." Good luck.

"Rehit piaray moje kao, Sikh piaray nahe!"
Guru Rakha,
-DKK