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Summary of Question:	I Am A White European With A Nri Sikh Partner, We Want To Marry,
Category:	General Q's from Non-Sikhs
Date Posted:	Thursday, 10/11/2007 3:28 AM MDT

I am a white european female with a NRI Sikh partner who wishes to marry me. We are in our late 30s. I said that I would raise our children as Sikh. His family will not accept him marrying me because I am not Sikh, but more so because I am not Indian! He has argued with his family that surely a white woman who will raise her children as Sikh is better than an Indian woman who would raise her children as Hindus or Muslims. They say that all white women are the same (despite the fact that his sisters go to extremes to whiten their skin all the time) and that white women cannot be trusted. He will not allow me to meet his family because he is scared that they will be so nasty that I will be scaredaway. My family are happy with my choice of a life partner. He is divorced from an arranged marriage. Is there anything that he or I can say to his family that could convince them that it is not important what the colour of my skin is, but what my qualities are and my intentions are in regard to us becoming a family 2. and living a Sikh lifestyle. I think that it is unfair that I am judged on my ethnicity and the colour of my skin. If my family had issues about the colour of anyone's skin they would be called racist because they are white, so why is it that a Sikh family can behave in such a way? Aren't we all equal in the eyes of our Creator?

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Reply
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My dear,

God has blessed you with a beautiful challenge and a great opportunity!!!

I wish you all the best in your process of marrying into this family. This is a cultural dilemma for you to understand. This situation is very emotional and I urge you to deal with it without emotion but through devotion. The white Western Sikhs are known as the most purely devotional and respected Sikhs. So there is an opening for you. But only if your proceed with clarity as well as academically and with devotion. All the things you have not been trained in will be called upon. Please read on to the end where I have given the suggestions for you.

For background, the Indian/Sikh culture has been very very strong in its values and more-s. This is not a personal affront to you by any means. The family can embrace the life in the West but still maintain their own value system for their family and TRY to keep it distinct. Traditionally Western women are seen as fast and untrained in their grace and modesty nor are they cared for with the same level of love and nurturing. (However, their girls are quickly becoming western)

Marriages that are arranged by the family are generally done between similar types of families (profession, economic level, locale etc) to insure that the children who are being placed in the marriage will find similar setting in the marriage family that they move into. Especially since the girl will be moving into the home of her husband's family and will have to learn to live and serve his family as well as her husband.

You mentioned that you are 'partners' which implies that you are in a physical relationship with this young man. You have jumped ahead of the proper sequence of the culture which is why he is so afraid.

Now, please assess on your own if you really want MARRIAGE to this man. Because you will need to be very pro-active in learning about Sikhee and then very patient with him and his family.

I would strongly reccommend that you start by learning the prayer "Shabd Hazare"
(A thousand Shabds) by Guru Arjan Dev and reciting this 11 times a day for the next 90 days with the intent of doing it for 1,000 days which is 3 years. You can download it from Sikhnet Shabds for printing.
1. Recite it 11 times a day,
2. read the English & study the meaning,
3. learn the story of devotion between Arjan and his father Guru Ram Das
and conflict with his brother that caused him to write this beautiful
composition.
4. Do this for yourself on your own time (not with your partner)
5. Make your longing a deep longing for union with the ONE that does all.
It is for keeping you united with your beloved and is a real portal
into deep spirituality and understanding

Then, find the nearest white Sikh Dharma/3ho center near you and begin studying
all about the technology of Sikhee from the English books ( Max Macauliff-The Sikh Religion) read from the English Guru (Manmohan Singh translation is the best) and even study Kundalini Yoga for depth and learning about your female intuitive capacity and family and child rearing.

God has blessed you with a wonderul challenge. Use it and you will become so beautiful and great.

Blessings to you,
SKKK