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Summary of Question:Marital & Life Stability
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Tuesday, 9/07/2010 1:07 PM MDT

Thank you Sat Sangat for an amazing job that you are doing.

I have searched on the forum the answer to my question but need some more direction.
My husband and i have been married for abt 3 years and have been had a pretty good life, we eat and live well, thanks to Wahguru's kirpa. But earlier this year, my husband didn't have to much luck with his work and job and have been surviving on a single income which isn't to bad, except that we have to wait a bit to get back on track with our plans.
One thing i have constantly felt is that we are not moving forward both financially, spiritually, emotionally etc.. in our marriage. I feel things are stagnent. They are not horribly bad but they are also not amazing, in the sense that we are progressing. I compare ourselves to other couples and feel frustrated that they have progressed (to have kids, or bought a home, or traveled more, get along and gotten stronger). While my husband and i are almost exactly where we were aroudn the time we got married.

I have been on my husbands case about not taking enough responsibility, or leading our family spiritually or financial or emotionally. i have been telling him that he lacks commitment and responsibility to our unit of family. Am i being to aggressive, impatient? Do things happen for every couple at a different pace, what should we be doing collectively or individually to feel and see a sense of moving forward. I would like my husband to be more of a leader in the family, take more initiative, be more stable and secure and be able to provide that stability to our future. I have been doing SO purakh path etc, but don't feel like doing it anymore, also a part of me feels guilty for doing it because i am constantly asking for something when i do prayers etc.

feel very frustrated, i realize that we could be in much better position then we are today. but feel that i need more stability etc in my life. need to feel and see that we are moving forward. Seems every time things progress a little something happens and hinders our success.
Example went to look at some houses, getting ready to make an offer, and then my husband loses his job. I almost feel sometimes that i need to be a partner that is more motivated or responsible or mature, who will take more initiative, rather then focus on just getting by, because he seems to be content with our current life to some degree..
sorry for the long post need some positive outlook on all this.

Thanks

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REPLY
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Sat Nam,

The most important for a wife is not to be on her husband's case. Things slow down or a reason. It usually means that you need to be working out your relationship first at what ever stage you are before things can progress anywhere.
It is a woman's role in the family to provide spiritual stability and growth so please do not demand that of your husband. He can not take on what you are not willing to provide. If you are not interested in praying for him then why are you expecting him to step up and provide more things for you. If you are not fulfilling your duty then what right do you have to expect anything more of him.
Prayers are made for manifesting thins in life even if you do have to ask for something every time.

It is very disrespectful to impose your own ambitions on your spouse and demand for him to live up to your expectations. In a marriage or a family all ambitions have come from a point of "WE" not "I". A simple discussion and a compromise is needed to determine what both of you will benefit from. Your ideas are important but they are only 50% of the situation.

How amazing would you like things to be ? Please look around and really see things in this world. Do you think everything should exist for your convenience ? What makes you so different ? You sound like your husband losing a job was just something he did to spite you. It is a horrible and devastating thing for a man to lose his source of income and I am sure he does not need to hear any more negativity from you for any of it. A man takes a wife for a sours of moral support not degradation. If you truly love him you will share all his karma and he will share yours in return.
We never know what is waiting for us around the corner, things can get infinitely worth that you will look back and wish all the things that you have right now. If you can not survive this calamity how are you going to go any further ?
Calamities come to our married lives to give us the opportunity to strengthen our relationships and not to take opportunity to be abusive to our spouse and it sounds to like you really getting off track here. Your husband is a human being not a possession you were given to push around. If you are not willing to uplift him then both of you will live in a rut for the rest of your life.

DWK

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