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Summary of Question:Need Help Please
Category:General Sikhism
Date Posted:Wednesday, 9/01/2010 1:09 PM MDT


Please can you help me as you are my last resort now? I am sometimes get angry at my mom as my dad died when I was very young (nearly 19 years ago). I have done everything for my brothers & sisters, and all are settled with their own families. However, my middle sister's marriage has not worked out and she split from her husband with two teenage sons. I feel for her but I can't do anything as I am just about surviving as I have to support my mom financially. All I keep hearing from her is that she has loads to deal with and it's like it's my fault that this happened to her. On top of that my mom doesn't say anything to her as she doesn't want to upset her. I can't talk to anyone 'cos people think i'm being stupid and petty. Also i just am getting by in work but nothing helps me. Even though i believe in Sikhi 100%, i have heard people have tied our paths as nothing helps me. Even i have tried to take my life several times, i have failed that too. I am so useless and can't achieve anything - i wish that i were dead, somebody else should have my years as i am no good to anyone. As you can tell i suffer from depression, even though i just plod along and act like nothing bad happens with me as my mom thinks my other siblings have got real problems being married and all, nobody would really miss me except for the amount of stuff i do for them, cooking cleaning, paying bills etc.

I have looked at your advice and tried to do as best as possible but it really doesn't work for me, nothing does. Please can you help as you are now my last resort?

Thank you and God Bless you all at Sikhnet for providing this sewa to nobodies like me.


Sat Nam,

The only true advice any one could give you is : "Stop doing things for other people". Please hear it. You are in a very strong pattern and it will be hard to break but the main idea is the same. Drop your GUILT about helping people and start doing things for yourself only. You only have so much energy .... you should be very careful in how you use it. It is not your responsibility to be fixing other people's problems.
If your mom absolutely can't support herself then ask some of the other siblings to help you out every month. Your sister should have thought ahead of time what her life was going to be if she was going to get a divorce so she should be the one taking the responsibility for her own decisions. Put your life together the way YOU want. It may take a while but if you try ... you can actually accomplish it. You allow all this abuse to come into your life, then you have to take the responsibility and suffer the consequences. And you can't complain. You are in charge of your own life. It is not about what other people do.


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