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Summary of Question:	Dilemma
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 12/06/2000 12:28 PM MST

Sat Sri Akal,

I am in a deep dilemma. I migrated to Canada when I was very young and ended up marrying a white women. Now we have a daughter. My wife has suddenly turned into a religious person (Christian off course). She always wants me to go to the church with her. I have gone to the church couple of times but do not feel like doing it. I am a staunch Sikh and do not want to adhere (or even pretend) to other religion. I have all the respect for Christianity and do not mind if she goes to the church alone. Recently, I was enraged when her church's pastor started sending religious materials to both of us (i.e. eincluding me, even though I am no way part of the church). I do not feel that my faith is being threatened but it pains to see my child being forced away from her roots. I have no family in Canada and live in a small "white" town with hardly any Sikhs around (my only touch with Sikhi is through internet). I am so disturbed that I cannot sleep, eat or do anything. I have contemplated divorce but refrained
from for the sake of my daughter. Please help.

Thank-you
JS

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Reply
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Did you discuss these things with your wife? How long have you been married? How old is your daughter? This is a very difficult situation. It is very hard and lonely to live without the Satsangat. Your attitude to the pastor and your wife's church fellows is simple. You are a Sikh and you give them your love and your blessing. Your situation with your wife and daughter is not so simple. The key is to keep an open heart, understand the beauty of Christianity and share with her the beauty of Sikhi. You path is a lonely one and very difficult because she has her church and her community and you do not have the opportunity to sit at the Guru's feet in the company of the Satsangat. How is your daily practice? Not just mechicanical recitation of the banis, but meditation on the Shabd and the nurturing of your own inner connection with your Guru. You need to engage in open discussion of these matters with your wife and daughter (if she is old enough to participate.) No matter how old she is, she is certainly being deeply affected by the tension and depression that is existing in your relationship with your wife. In the end you must surrender and lay this difficult matter at the Guru's feet - bow to him and give it to him to resolve for you.

You have my heartfelt prayers and blessings for happiness in this matter.
Humbly yours in the Name of the One, and the blessings of the Guru, the light of every Sikh.

.....G