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Summary of Question:	Different Religions And Love
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 7/07/2000 6:04 AM MDT

At the moment, my insides feel dead. I am empty. There seems no point to anything anymore. I am a 19 year old Christian. My parents raised me very much in these teachings and traditions. I have always had a natural talent for theology, I've never really had to try in this area of study. Four and a half months ago, I meet a Sikh male, who has totally opened my eyes. I've been in relationships before (one particular one lasting two years), and now know that I am very much in love with him, and I know he with me.I need some kind of insight, and advice. Anything that you can offer will be greatly recieved.

When we first start to see each other, he told me that we could never be together after university was over, we could never be married. I was sad, and a bit confused, but I understood. I also wondered why. So, using the various internet sites, and books, I started to research into Sikhism. What I found amazed me!! My parents, although devoted, haven't philiosophically considered our faith, they just listen and take it. My mum frequently asks me if certain things are 'right' or 'wrong' regaurding religion. Reading up on Sikhism, I found that all the questions that had troubled me, all the things I already belived in were there, written out before my eyes!!I have so much respect for this, that my own religion is being pushed aside.

Recently, my boyfriend stated that he wanted to stay with me, and remain unmarried. He has also told me that he will always love me, I feel the same towards him. But, as he spends more time at home (it is the summer holidays and we are apart), he has told me that he can't hurt his family as he would if we were to stay together. Our relationship is no longer about a difference in religion, it is a difference in culture. His family don't know about me, mine do about him. My mother, especially, has been amazing with the whole situation.

He still wants to be with me, but we will have a date where the relationship would end. I know I should end it now, before we get even more hurt. I don't want his family to be hurt, almost as much as I don't want him to be hurt. He says that it is hard with his cousine's, but he has support from one in particular. He totally respects his parents, yet his religion knowleadge in very limited. He only attends the temple to please his mother.

I personally feel that it would be morally wrong to enter a pre-arranged marriage, knowing that you could never love your partner. He is so scared of the future. I know that if there was a way that would be accepted by his parents, that we would stay together and be happy. This pain that I now feel is only an insight to what I'm going to feel when that date comes.

Thank-you for your time, any help or advice would be gratefully received. Writing this has been difficult because the situation is hard to explain.
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If it is not too late.

Have you considered being a practitioner of Sikhism? Sounds like you could de this. Have you spoken to him about wanting to meet his family.

True many families are very culturally directed in their expectation of marriage for their children. However, the family might welcome you after getting to know you and your respect for Sikhee. There are so many 'Western Sikhs' white skinned young and old people who have adopted this Sikh way of life. In fact, they have a reputation for being the "real Sikhs".

Men can be very thickheaded. Do not give up yet. Most families really want the best for their kids. Do not let his inadvertant prejidice against Westerners sway you. Educate yoursel in the protocol of the Gurdwara and of the Family and convince him and his family. You can start out by reading Jap Ji Sahib (in English) every day together....start buiding a spiritual practice between the both of you.....that will support your love and future the best.

God bless you in your work.You can find Jap Ji on: http://www.sikhnet.com/s/gurugranthsahib under English translation