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Summary of Question:Advise
Category:Health
Date Posted:Friday, 4/18/2003 4:18 AM MDT

hi - i was wondering if you could help me with a problem that always arises for me - you see when someone hurts me i always forgive them and they usually do this continously as i allow them to 'walk all over me'.I cannot hold grudges which i know is a good thing and to be honest i prefer it if i don't hold anger against the person who has upset me. The problem is that i want to know if i should perhaps stick up for myself more - as my friends get angry with me for letting people do this to me because they think i shud defend my self more - so that people do not take advantage of me. recently one of my closest friends has put me through a complete nightmare, she put me through a life threatening situation and was very dishonest and threatening to me - but i know that she is going through a rough patch herself and i can't be angry with her whereas all my other friends are very angry with her and when i tell them to forgive her they get angry with me - what i really wud like to know is whether i shud continue to forgive all those who hurt me and pray for them or whether i shud confront those people who hurt me as my friends keep telling me to do and as i let people continuously hurt me it does make me suffer from some health problems. when you know that your in the right over a situation is it best to defend your belief OR allow the other person to think their right in order to keep the peace?


thank you for your time ... anon

(REPLY) Sat Nam. The solution to your situation is not "either -or" but both! In other words, yes, always forgive those who hurt you and pray for them, but at the same time you MUST definitely stand up for yourself, confront them and do not let anyone abuse you in any way! You are very blessed that you naturally want to forgive, and that you do not get angry -- but you are contributing to the other person's wrong actions when you don't stop them from doing things that are harmful. When you know you are in the right, it is the coward's way to just be silent to "keep the peace." Stand up for yourself -- and if a "friend" put you through a life threatening situaion, I don't think that's the kind of friend you want to have! It's not the life that matters, it's the courage that you bring to it! Blessings, SP



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