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Summary of Question:Is it OK to have sex before marriage?
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Saturday, 5/06/2000 12:42 PM MDT

I would like to know if it is OK to experience sexual intercourse with girls and women before marriage. I would like to know if it is OK also if we are allowed to experince sexual intercourse with other's whom your are not in love with, nor know well.

Is this all forbidden?
I would like to know because this needs answering.
Would the guru's forbidden experince sexual intercourse with others before your are dtuck with one woman all your life whom MAY not fulfill her self in the bedroom.

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Reply:

Dear sweet young man. This is a good question and I am so glad that you asked.

No, it is not OK to experience sexual intercourse before marriage.

In our way of life we have guidelines for living a fulfilled and balanced life. I think that " balance" is the key word here.

In this Western society there is way too much emphasis on physical/sexual experience. This emphasis is way out of balance.

When you are young it is a time to develop your own sense of who you are. What is your personality? Your identity develops with your interests and your experience of your life. When you know who you are, you can have clarity and balance with your friends and the world around you. Life is not so simple that you know everything by age 15. If you follow everyone else's opinion you will be a Yoyo.

Many of the young people around you have no standards by which to live their lives. They are not blessed with the guidelines that you, as a Sikh, have.

When you start having intimate relationships you are diving into a deep realm of intense emotions. When you are young and uncommitted, this can be overpowering and confusing and very hurtful. Casual sexual relationships are not secure enough to support you and your intense feelings or emotions that get stirred up.

Marriage is a process of securing your relationship with trust. The commitment that you make to stand by each other for your entire life is something you share only with your spouse and God. This is so very special and makes your intimate relationships together ever so much more special and sacred.

Consider how intimacy is a precious investment of yourself. You share yourself and your energy with someone who is willing to work with you for the rest of their life. In this way you avoid wasting your energy on relationships that end up in pain and misunderstanding; very time consuming.

When you marry before the Guru, you invoke the power and protection of the Guru into your relationship. The Guru becomes a cover that is greater than the two of you to carry you through any difficulties or problems.

Now is the time to, rather, learn to take a Hukam and understand what the Guru is saying. This is your special formula to give you success in all facets of your life and marriage. By reading from the Siri Guru Granth Sahib(especially in English),taking a Hukam, asking your question to the Guru, you will always recieve the correct answer and guidance.Your time will be better spent developing a working relationship with your Guru rather than experimenting sexually.

Sharing the depth of such a deeply personal and feeling experience as sexual intimacy also needs to be safe for both people involved. Every man that a woman sleeps with becomes imprinted in her psyche. She can never forget that man even if she tries. She may be married to you, but she will always be comparing your kiss with John's kiss, or remembering the way Sam touched her etc. Then, she will have a harder time finding satisfaction with you.

In the Sikh guidelines, we must relate to women as our sister or mother or daughter. Are you proposing to sleep with your sister or with your Mom or daughter? Think about this!

Life is filled with endless possibilities to express your "kam"-lust, "krod"- anger,"lob"-greed,"moh"-pride,"hankar"-attachment". Better to learn to use the Sikh technology, Rehit Maryada, to learn about your spirit. Give yourself 'this' experience of fulfillment through the Guru before your marriage. This will give you depth and character that will serve you in all your relationships through out your life. You will never be let down.


The Guru even speaks of your question exactly. The Guru says, " when she was a virgin she thought that she wished to be married, and now that she is married, she misses being a virgin again". So, you may think that you have a problem not having sex, but when you have it, then you will have other problems because of it.

There is so much more to a relationship than sex. When you marry, you have a lifetime to experience, expand and develop your sexual relationship. You learn to grow deeper and deeper because you are with one person. This is very important to your integrity as a human and as a Sikh of the Guru.

When you "screw around", experiment,play the field,(whatever you want to call it) outside of marriage, you learn to connect a level of superficiality with that experience. You also loose a lot of energy(sperm is produced from 1,000 drops of blood produced from 1,000 bites of food).

It is so good that you asked this question. It is not OK to have sex casually or otherwise before marrigae or with any one other than your spouse. Now is the time to develop yourself, and find out about how the Siri Guru Granth Sahib can guide you to a balanced and to a happy life.
































































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