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Summary of Question:	You Will Get Nothing With Anger And Hatred
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 8/05/2005 10:11 AM MDT

Hi,

This is Sonia. I would like to thank all people who shared their personal experieces about this kind of relations. I know that you all are trying to open my eyes and i m very grateful for love and care that i have got.

I know that there will be many problems in our relationship. What will be our kids, muslims or sikhs? What kind of end our marriage will have? Will our religions ever be a problem between us? From the beginning of our relationship I have discussed with my boyfriend about these problems that we might face in future and we both know that only way to solve probs is compromise. We have to be flexible and make many compromises to give a succesful end to our relationship. But everyone knows that itīs impossible to predict our future,so only thing that i can do is just trust on god, i m sure that god will show me right path.


I was very impressed by one message. There was very nice request made to all people: "I m simply asking people to open their minds a little". I think thatīs true. When our religion doesnt deny us to marry non-sikhs then why people have so narrow mind. I think this is only because society and some people have learnt rules made by society so deeply that they cant see difference between directions made by gurus and rules made by society.


There is not refused to marry non-sikhs in our holy book sri Guru Granth Sahib ji. So why should i obey society. Whatever we do there is always someone in society who is against our decision, so itīs much better if we just listen to god and live with peace and love.

Last week i got very critical message. He has very strong opinion about girls " like me", means that who falls in love with non-sikhs. He said that this kind of girls dont even make friends from sikhs. well thats totally wrong, i have nothing against sikhs, my problem is that i m living in such a small european country that you will hardly find sikhs from here. We dont have even gurdwara here.

This person was repeating all the time that this girl ( me) has gone down. Would you please tell me that do you really think so that loving someone is going down or shameful thing? If you really think so thats something really strange because i think that love is something that we need to make a peaceful world, there are so many wars, terrorist attacs etc, that are worse than love.

Why are you blaming only girls? If you just change your point of view from girls to boys, I m 100 % sure that you will find more relations with non-sikhs.
some boys just play with girlīs feelings, do u find that right? Itīs always easier to blame others but try even once to be honest to youself and think deeply without anger and hatred, and youīll find the right answer. Remember you will gain nothing with hatred and anger, itīs always love and peace that make us happy.

To people who is worried about my future i would like to tell that you have right to advice me in this decision because most of you have seen more life than me. I really respect you all and your opinions. I have no hurry to make any decisions because i m only 22 yrs yet and whole life is in front me. I have to complete my studies and get a good job before marrying my boyfriend, and i think in such long period, i will find the right right decision with godīs grace.

Sonia

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Don't confuse the message of the Gurus: Sikhs should marry Sikhs. I'm not commenting on your particular situation, but just in general, since you did mention the opposite.

You also mention "between directions made by gurus and rules made by society" as a basis for being able to marry a non-Sikh. If you are following the Guru's direction, then you are contradicting yourself when you first asked "But in sikhism itīs [sex] not allowd before marriage, but we r engaged, so can u plz tell me if it is right or wrong". If you know something is not allowed, then why even ask?

Moreover, how do you know that sex is not allowed before marriage in Sikhism? (This is a rhetorical question - but one which you should answer). Is it from what you have READ or from what you have been TOLD? How then do you know that a Sikh can marry a non-Sikh? Have you READ that or have you deduced it from something you were TOLD?

How do you compromise when you marry a non-Sikh? Will your child keep his hair? Will he wear a turban and/or will she have long uncut and unshaved hair? Will the boy be uncircumsized? These are Sikh principles which can not be compromised and which Muslims believe in the exact opposite. If you will not keep your child's hair, then why even bother with other Sikh practices? If your Muslim boyfriend agrees to raise a 100% Sikh child (highly unlikely in my experience), then what will that child think when he wears a patka/turban to school, gets ridiculed, comes home crying and his dad has cut hair? You can't explain life like that to a 7 year old child. He needs full support from BOTH parents, emotionally and physically (in resemblance). Again, if you cut the child's hair, then why are you worrying or even thinking about what the Gurus directions are?

Just some things to think about. Good luck in everything, the Guru will provide, as always.