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| Summary of Question: | Marrying nonturbuned sikh |
| Category: | General Sikhism |
| Date Posted: | Wednesday, 2/16/2000 1:51 AM MST |
Khalsa ji please help me, i am 21 yrs old. My parents are looking out for me a turbuned sikh, tall, handsome from a gursikh family. Since the time i started reading about sikhism - gurbani, reading sakhis i got very much inspired by Guru Gobind Singh ji (KHALSA) and wanted somebody like him (means with turbun, tall, with all the K's) but i myself is not an amritdari. since last 3 to 4 yrs i decided that i will be marrying only turbuned sikh who will be from a gursikh family and i and him will get baptised togather after marriage, these were my plans, but one day i met this gentlemen who belongs to a gursikh family, he is a sikh but should say non turbuned. He proposed me to marry him, he even approached my parents, but since i told them what were my plans they did refuse him because he is non turbuned sikh. He is a wonderful man, he calls me up every now and then to speak to me, He loves me but i am trying to control my self that i don't get
involved with him, Since i have something else in my mind ( Image of our Guru, the perfect Singh) My mom likes him and wants me to marry him, but my father wants a Gursikh for me. Please guide SIR, i am all confused sometimes i feel i am in love with this gentlemen whom i met, but then at times i convince my self that he is not the man for me, he dosenot match the image, the person whom i always wanted. WHAT SHALL I DO? i would like my mate to be a gursikh who could always guide and teach me Gurbani.
Waiting for your reply
Thank you & best regards.
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Reply
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Your dilemma is not unique. There are a number of Sikhs, esp Sikh women who are conronted with difficult choices such as these. A good thing to do would be to pray to the Guru and seek his guidance. Do a full Ardas and lay out all your dilemmas and aspirations in front of him and you might start to see the path you need to follow. My humble take on the situation is that if this man loves you so much he should have no problem in embracing the Sikh faith and wearing a turban. Not wanting to do this will make him suspect in my mind as to how grounded and permanent his feelings are. The foremost loyalty of a gursikh is towards the Guru who reprsents self-realization and spiritual identity. So do some soul-searching to determine how committed you are to follow this path. May be your subconscious mind is not prepared for a total surrender and that might be attracting people like this man. You can become more grounded in your spiritual journey also by praying to the Guru. I pray that you see the light that makes your options very clear to you.
MSB
Marrying nonturbuned sikh (02/16/2000)