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Summary of Question:	Ex Boyfriend
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 10/14/2002 6:09 PM MDT

hey..well i meet this guy online the internet..and we started talking on the phone and be4 i knew it i was in love with him,however weird it may seem!! as we started to get to know each other...we found out that our familys were really close friends and stuff...i never had meet him but i loved him more then life itself..anyways this guy was ounjabi jatt good looking everything i dreamed of to be honest...then we decided to meet..at this time he was also trying to hook his cousin up with my cousin..they werent very close until they both meet..my boyfriend was also going to be there...they meet and straight after that day he dumped me..and i just couldnt understand why..we talked about it but hes mind was set..there was noting i could do..untila few weeks later when he told me that we would get back together after i had finished my hsc and he had got on his feet and started to work...i was all for it until a few months later when my cousin started to tell me that my boyfriend had knew girlfriends and stuff..it just made me think that what could i possibly do now?so anyways i called one of his mates..that he knkew although they werent close..my ex found out and went sycho and said i was backstabbing him and all!!i cryed so much and it hurt me so much too...i even slit my wrist because i couldnt handle not having him anymore...well we broke up 6months ago..and i love him more then anythuing in this world..my cousin and his cousin are together and so happy..i know it mind sound so selfish but i get so annoyed when i am hurting so much and my cousin is so happy....when i dont know what happened when they meet..because i wasnt there and why my boyfriend broke up with me straight after..i caused my parents a $2500 phone bill and i dont regret it one bit..i am always fightin with my parents and they dont let me go on the internet or touch the phone anymore..although they dont say anything to my face! i feel so bad but i cant help but think what went wrong..and i cant get over the fact that i love him..and he said songurudi and sweared on his whole family that he lved me...songurudi means alot to me..and thats partly the reason i believed him...and i dont understand that if he said that must some ppl just swear on god they love someone and not even mean it when they know how bad it is to do so? i dont know what to do..so much has happened since we brooke up..my auntys ecven read my diary and photocopied the pages..so know they have stuff on me..if they ever wanna make me do soomething they would even show my dad..my dad would kill me!!!!i dont know what to do..and i just wish i knew why we rbooke up..could u give me a little insight on what i should do..forget him??when i still care 4 him so much........

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Reply:

Sat Siri Akal.

OK, girl, we need a little tough love. What are you thinking? How can you love someone who doesn't love you? This isn't love, this is obsession. It's a total mental insanity and you need to find a way to snap out of it. First, (and all the love-sick girls out there, please pay attention to this) - what a man says doesn't mean anything. Let me repeat this. What a man say DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. Men are hunters. It's the fundamental nature of their psyche. The character of the huner is to hide and lie in order to trap something. When a man says he loves you, what he is really trying to do is trap you, is get you, is conquer you. And you think he means it - so you let yourself get trapped. Now, here is a fundamental difference between men and women. Men will do whatever it takes to "get" a girl, and then - after he has her - he will decide whether he wants her or not. A woman will be very picky and choosy - but once she decides to let a man into her heart, he's in. So nature has played a very cruel trick on us and it is up to the woman to be wise enough to not get caught in the hunter's trap.

But you're lonley, right? And you want to love someone - very natural. And you want someone to love you back, and that's being happy, isn't it? And I understand that. All of us women have those feelings. Problem is - if you make the wrong choice when it comes to a mate, you will make yourself very very miserable. So - how do you know if the guy is the right guy for you? Most women think - if he says he loves me, then he must love me and he must be the right guy. This is totally a misperception. Ignore what a man says and, instead, watch what he does. What are his values? What is his character? What are his virtues? Study him very very carefully before you give anything. Does he have integrity? Does he honor his word? What is important to him in life? Does he work honestly and earn what comes to him? Does he share with others? This is someone who is going to be the father of your children. What kind of father will he make? Will he provide for his children, take responsibility for them? A beatiful face, strong muscles, sexy smile - all of those are temporary and impermanent. These are not the things to base a decision about love and being together on. It's shared values, a common sense of duty, knowing that you both care about the same things in life - this is a solid foundatin for a relationship.

It's very painful to experience rejection, I know. And the mind will sometimes trick you into wanting to get the guy back at any cost in order to face the pain of rejection. But understand that just because a man doesn't want you - doesn't mean there's anything wrong with YOU. It's no reflection on you, whatsoever. And for goodness sake, if these feelings are pushing you to attempt suicide, then please get some professional counseling. Your life is a very precious gift that God has given to you and there is no one on the earth worth giving up your life over.

All love to you and good luck.

GPK