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Summary of Question:	Why Is It Unacceptable For A Sikh Guy To Marry A White Girl?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 1/04/2002 2:24 PM MST

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Hi,

I'm an 18 year old average college student. I go to class, do homework, study, and have fun with my friends. You know..stuff that any other typical American kid would do. And naturally, after college I want to get married. There's a lot of nice girls I meet everyday. There's even one that I really like. She's very pretty and very nice too. I could really see myself spending the rest the of my life with her. The only problem is....well it's a "problem" for my parents not for me....she's white. I've tried to subtly ask my parents how they would react to me marrying a white girl, and their reaction is more similiar to if I'd confessed a murder to them. My mom starts to sniffle and cry and my dad says stuff like I'm going to disgrace the family name in society. Now, I'm a very firm Sikh. I believe in Sikhi whole-heartedly. I don't cut my hair nor drink or use any other intoxicants. I took amrit when I was 14, and I still try to observe the rehat maryada to the best of my ability. And if I were to marry a non-Sikh, my only stipulation would be that she become a Sikh after we marry. Well, I mean...you don't just convert to Sikhi; it's a life-long learning experience. But my point is..if there is a girl that I really like and likes me for who I am and understands that Sikhi is very important to me and respects that fact, then why can't I marry her? Just because she's white? Our Gurus preach tolerance towards everyone. "Na Ko Bayree, Nahi Bigaana" "Manas ki Jaat, Sub Aekey Pehchan Bo" Reading a lot of Gurbani, I've only found that Guru Ji preaches worship of Akaal Purakh and love and tolerance among all of mankind. A Sikh is someone who transgresses even the limitations that Maya...the 5 vices....puts on us. How can anyone that a Sikh...whose Guru has made him free from all limitations and societal prejudices...how can anyone say that it's somehow right to restrict marrige on the basis of physical differences? Now you tell me who is going against the tenets of Sikhi..me or my parents? Please respond.

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REPLY
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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh!

Marriage is a carriage to carry you to infinity. Marriage isn't just about "spending the rest of your life " with someone. It's is a crucible in which you can cook out your faults. Both partners work on themselves and become completely merged into each other. "They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who have one soul in two bodies." - Guru Amar Das, Pauri, SGGS pg. 788

So, it is not a question of brown or white, or Punjabi or English, or Eastern culture or Western culture. It is a question of values, calibre and devotion to the Guru, and the commitment to keep up through all the tests of time and space to make it to infinity together. Don't take marriage lightly. It is a discipline, and it can be a sweetness beyond words.

"In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord gives you His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life. Instead of performing rituals by routine, embrace the righteous life of Dharma, and do nothing that separates you from God. Meditate on God’s Name. Embrace and practice Simran, the continuous remembrance of your True Identity. Worship and adore the Guru, the Perfect True Guru, and all the errors of your past shall be washed away. By your great destiny, you will know that bliss, which passes all understanding, and the Lord - Har, Har, will become sweet to your mind." Guru Ram Das, Lavan

Use your intuition, not your hormones, and you will know when the Guru has brought you your wife. Don't be in a hurry. A marriage based on emotions will end in failure and pain. A marriage based on harmony and common values, in which the Guru and the Sangat is truly the centre of your life, every day, will be blessed.

Many Guru Ji bless you with a happy marriage.

.....G