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Summary of Question:	Help With Family Issue
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Monday, 4/16/2007 1:47 PM MDT

Dear Sikhnet Forum Team,

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

I have already looked through all existing answers and have not found one suitable or one that really answers my question, so I ma hoping you can help by answering this one.

This question is kind of two-fold so I am hoping you can approach them separately.

Initially I wanted to ask about my family member who had recently cut his hair. After finding out that he did I was absolutely devastated. I did not know how to react and cried and made a fool of myself! How do I deal with this devastation? Others have told me just to get on with it, but I have not been able to (or even know how). Also, I cannot help but see my family member in a different way now. I know this may seem prejudicial on my part, but every time I see them, my stomach turns. Seeing them now (after knowing what they looked like before, only upsets me more).

Now this relates to my second question/request for help from you. Waheguru willing I am hoping to start a family this year. How do I introduce Sikhi to my child? How do I make them proud of their heritage? Also (importantly) how do I introduce the feminine principles to them, as the macho Punjabi image does not sit well with me.

I am sure any thank you I give would be sufficient enough, but all the same thank you.

Bhul Chuk Marf Karna

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
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Reply
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My dear,
You sound so beautiful and on the "right" path and ready to be a leader!
When you spoke of your family member that cut their hair.......you did not say what you said but you did say that you made a fool of yourself. This leads me to believe that you "let them have it'! If you just cried, then try again. Being emotional goes no where with a man. However, being inspiring, talking of God, Guru, committment, grace, upliftment etc is the way to be effective as a Khalsa Woman. Another attitude is to recover from the shock....which is very important for them to know how shocking their action is to ALL,,,,,,and then see if you can have a heart to heart conversation with them. What brought them to do this etc. Be a good listener. Gain some trust maybe not right away but somewhere down the line.

Very important...do not feel helpless. You have a power and you have resources. You can apply your power and prayer and inspiration constantly over time to make an impression. You have the power of patience; so use it and do not expect any changes right away. Cutting one's hair is NOT the the final gesture. Perhaps cutting one's hair is a true statement of one's spiritual lack. But then regrowing the hair and putting on the turban in full committment and love is more meaningful. So do not loose hope but do apply yourself in your inspirational capacity on this one. Have compassion and use your insight and cunningness to be wise.

About your daughter, you will be the greatest inspiration to her. Wear your turban and dupatta in dignity and grace. Look and feel and dress beautiful as a daughter of Guru Gobind SIngh. Teach her the meaning of all that you do and love. Go to Ladies Camps and send your daughter to Khalsa Youth Camp. If you are not in USA or Canada, then ralley support to have those camps in your locale. AGain, use all your resources to inspire and train her and uplift her to a life of grace and beauty. THe journals and notes are also available from Ancient Healing Ways online. You can even create a network of a few women in your area to read and discuss all these teachings and reinforce each other. There are non Sikh woman who would like this for their children as well.

Many blessings to you dear daughter of Mata Sahib Kaur,
skkk