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Summary of Question:	Parents Marriage
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 11/23/2006 11:43 PM MST

Hey, so I live in a town in northern bc and am the only sardhar in a decently populated town of sikhs. It seems as though my parents fight alot and I can tell that the relationship that they have is not a healthy one. Now that i think of it, i can tell that my mother hasn't been truly happy since i can remember. Its not event just the fighting, its just the fact that i can't see my mother as happy as she deserves to be. My father is a great guy, works hard and everything, they just don't belong together(they've been married for 18 years). I just wanted to know if this is a common problem in the sikh community among youth. Judging by the lack of questions posted, i can see that it probably is not. It is a very serious issue for myself as i would really love for my mother to be happy. Of course divorce is not very accepted in our culture but i do believe that if this was a white couple, they would have been divorced over 10 years ago. Also, i believe that if not dealt with, my mothers depression (as this is what it has become) will overtake her. I suggested a marriage cousilor to my dad and just straight up therapy for my mother. My mom said no and that 'she had to deal with it herself' and my dad said that both parties must be willing to engage, which they're not. So what can a young sardhar in an isolated community do? I wish to solve this problem quick b/c i will be going off to uni soon and i don't want to leave it for my younger brother. Thank you very much. Pardon the length.

(REPLY) Sat Nam. God bless you! What kind and caring son you are. I think you've done everything you can to help your mother. Your parents obviously do not want to take your advice, and that's the way it is. Whether this is a common situation or not, I can't say, but for you, the important thing to realize is that it's not your responsibility to solve the problems of your parents. Your responsibility is to live your life as righteously as you can, and when you marry, make sure you and your wife communicate honestly and openly with each other. The best thing you can do now is pray for your parents, and let your brother know that he doesn't have to "fix" their situation either. Being kind and loving to your mother and your father is all you can do -- as well as pray for them. I wish you all success and happiness in life. SP