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Summary of Question:	Why Do I Feel So Lost
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 9/22/2002 9:53 PM MDT

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

hello im 17 years old and i am going to take amrit soon...i am confused about my life and i feel like everything is a big lie....i feel like i am lost... i dont like my lifestyle and i am always thinking about things and i dont know wat to do nemore....

i have done some very bad things in the past like i have stolen some money from my parents, got into smoking and i even drank once or twice and i even did some weed and i feel really bad since then i hate myself because my parents trust me so much, i also met a guy and kissed him and then i felt like i broke my parents trust, i told that guy that i felt bad about kissing him and all that and then he said okay we will just be friends and but i liked him so much i was practically in love with him that i wanted to marry him but he changed and now he hates me and i cant take it cuz i love him deeply and im always thinking of him...i got told by people that he was only using me and that he was only playing with me but i cant believe it and now that he hates me i really do think he was just playing with me, but i still like him so much

im not really sure wat to do nemore....actually i dont like nething, im all lost, i need guidance.....i want to do path all night long and forget the past but my past keeps coming back and the more i think of it the more i hate myself...i want to meet God and i want to see Guru Ji with my eyes in their divine form...is it really possible for me to see Guru Ji's darshan? can u tell me how i can see Guru Ji please? i dont know i dont like nething i just want to take amrit and be a true sikh a true khalsa of Sri Guru Gobind Singh Sahib Ji...can i be a true khalsa? i want to live a truthful and clean life..can u please help me

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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

If you want to live a truthful and clean life, start by loving yourself, not hating yourself. Guilt is not a Sikh concept. The Guru says, "God Himself leads the man astray and by leading him astray, God instructs him." (Please forgive me as I don't recall which page this is from.) So - you have to understand - your soul is here for a purpose and sometimes the only way we know what isn't right for us is to try it out and discover it through experience. Rules only make sense if we know why they were created to begin with, and sometimes the only way to know why the rules were created is to break them. We all go through it - everyone tests the rules and has an experience from that. So - you have the laundry list of things to hate yourself for and beat yourself up. But you're forgetting that God created you, God loves you and God lives within your own heart. You are so good as you are. And it's OK that you tested a few things out and realized they weren't for you.

So - practice self-compassion, self-love, self-forgiveness. Try to see yourself with the eyes of wisdom, not the eyes of judgement. You don't have to be perfect. God made you human, Be human. Embrace your humanity. That's the true path to God.


All love.

GPK

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.