Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	How Can I Love Anyone Else?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 5/27/2002 5:00 AM MDT

I now there has been loads of questions about caste in this forum. Even though in your replies you say its not important but why do our parents think it is. I am a jatt girl who fell in love with a chamar boy, we loved each other and still do very much. When my parents found out 18 months ago they were furious, it was hell at home, me and my boyfriend both left home and started living together, it was ok at first but things started to get difficult between us, we began to argue alot mainly because my parents wouldn't accept him, his parents were ok at first, they just wanted my parents to change their minds. Recently me and my boyfriend had a huge row which we both now regret and i phoned my dad up a few days later my dad came to see me and asked me to come back home, i didnt know what to do and told my boyfriend,we both decided to go back. When he came to get his things we were very lovey dovey with each other and told each other we loved each other very much. Even now he says that if my parents accept him he will marry me but my parents will not change. we both miss each other very much and more than anything want to be together but we both went home because of our parents. Ok my parents want to marry me off now, but i just feel i will never beable to fall in love with anyone else, cause i gave everything to this guy, he is the most important person in the world to me and now we both have been wondering whether we did the right thing calling it off. we know we r meant to be together so why is everything against us. we r not children i am 26 and he is 25. we both still talk to each other and both still want each other. my parents thing they r doing the right thing but they r not, they r just gonna ruin my life just because of all they care about is their reputation, my happiness dosent come into it. When parents start listening to their children and putting their childs happiness first is when the caste system will fall. if i could let go of my boyfriend and him let go of me we would but we r a part of each other and just cant, i feel like my life has come to an end without him i dont think i could face the rest of my life without him, he is my heart i need him and he needs me. I so stuck i just dont know what to do, i cant sleep, relax, eat i just feel so down. What do i do?

(REPLY) You are dealing with a deeply imbedded cutural bias that is totally against the teachings of our Guru. It is sad that the stigma of caste still exists after all these years. You are an adult, you have to choose what to do with your life. The support of family and friends is an important factor for the success of any marriage, and ideally that's what should exist. So, the question is, are you prepared to marry the man you love and perhaps be isolated from your present family? No one can tell you what to do, you have to make the decision. May God and Guru bless you. SP