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Summary of Question:	Dukh From Gurudwara
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 9/02/2004 3:22 AM MDT

sat sri akal

I think im the first one who actually got dukh from gurudwara.And what make me feel this way is because of what happen to me.

I never use to do path or go to gurudwara very often.I started when i got married. My husband is a very nice person and he loved me alot and is very dependent on me and im also very dependent on him. As usual like every other punjabi home his family didnt speak 2 me at at all.i stayed with almost 8 of them and i never work which means i was there to hear their insults and see their faces all day.At the same time my husband use to fall ill easily ...i mean very ill. he was not doing well in his work and on top of it the enviroment and things was soo bad that we postponed having a baby four 2yrs until we came out of there and bought our own home.For 1 and a half years as both of us were very badly shaken by what was happening around us my husband use to beat me up very badly whenever we have different views on things and half of the beating i got was also thanx to his family.after beating me he use to beat himself on his head coz he loves me alot and blames himself for not controlling him anger.

i was soo depressed everyday that i started during soo much of path and started going to gurudwara for seva etc.things improved and we got our own home.we did everything on our own and whatever problem we faced we solved it ourselves without a single help from his family.

I got pregnant only to lose the baby.i started a sehaj path the moment i know i got pregant and was already at pg 200+++.even got a nice hukamnama.then how could i lose the child?my husband has not beaten me since i lost the child

i just recovered from all the depression and went into it again.it lasted for months.I have a very good friend who is actually a giani from a gurudwara. i started telling him all my problems coz my husband was always at work and i use to be all alone everytime. The giani does kirtan and katha so i felt that for someone to do that he must be very good. i started attending regular programms thinking that to sit in sat sangat God removes every dukh.slowly this giani started telling me he loves me and misses me. i started feeling strange and use to laugh it off. he kept on saying it and all the mushy stuff u can ever imagine.slowly i started getting use to all this. and when i got use to it he felt that what he was doing was wrong and that he should stop now before anything bad happens as both of use are married. i agreed.

i controlled my feeling for not even more than one day and broke down in front of him the next day.we started from then becoming even closer.now after a few months his telling me that im not a small child who he could have made use of, im aware that their is no future as we both are married ( i was aware but i was not in my senses as i was in depression )and that he told me never tell my husband as it will spoil my marriage . he also told me that he never really loved me at all maybe just a bit. I feel reallly horrible now.he hold my hands a few times and tried to hug me on one or two occasion and now he says he didnt do anything by force.

Anyway i told my husband coz the burden was too big to carry for me and i was always filled with guilt and my husband said " if i do the same mistake i would want to be forgiven " he hugged me.he said dont call that giani anymore and move on with yr life.i have done alot for my husband before and he knows i have suffered alot.

my question are :-

1) we are all amrithari now why didnt god protect me againts this. I have done 13 sehaj path so far why was i not protected

2)i feel guilty because the person did say that the result will not be good and
at least now we can be friends i anything were to happen we cant even be friends. why didnt i control my feelings and broke down crying.

3)this person is going to leave the country one day to his home.without his wife knowing anything ever. they are goint to lead their happy lifes and im here with full memories. how am i ever going to go back to that gurudwara.

4)Why did God give me dukh in something related to gurudwara.I thought thats the place where the dukh goes and the sukh comes.

5)i feel like just having the friendship back but it wont be fair to my huaband. should i ignore the person and move on.or should i just stick to being friends

6)Even before this started, before i got married which is 3 years ago i pray for happy marriage everyday and what ever i do i was always God orientated for example before i do anything i always ask how would God and my husband feel before i do this and that etc .So how can I do such a mistake

7)after so much of path and visits to gurudwara if in laws torture,miscarriage,sickness,bad business and affair can happen what is the next thing in store for me. im scared.


8) will i get more paap or the giani or only me.He doesnt look a bit guilty although i wont know his inner heart.he hasnt called me to check how i am. and i see his reaction he doesnt look scared or remorseful and here i am wanting at least the friendship back. what should i do.

9)i have read some of your post and its mention that it is wrong to ask bad for someone. What about my in laws and this person. for those who have done bad to you first then u ask god for justice how can that be wrong. I feel its wrong if we are jealous or doing bad to someone without reason but if someone else harmed us so much that can actually put me in depression for years do i still need to pay for wanting bad for them and wanting justice?

please advice me

<<<<< REPLY >>>>>

Sat Nam! It is not that Guru Ji has not blessed you - you have taken the role of the victim and you must let go of it. Your deepest relationship is your relationship with your Guru. When you say, " I have done 13 sehaj path so far why was i not protected?" I ask, is doing Sehaj Path a formality. . . a ritual? Guru is speaking, but are you listening? It is about your relationship with your Guru, not about reading.

We take a human birth for two reasons - to pay our karmas and to fulfil the contract our soul made when we incarnated. We can sink to our fate, or rise to our destiny. The choice is ours.

All relationships have boundries. Those boundries give sacredness to the relationship. When you go outside the boundries, the sacredness is lost. It is time to stop worrying about paap. Dukh is a blessing from the Guru. Learn the lesson and move on.


"In God's Will are pleasure and pain. In God's Will are loss and gain. God's Will is alive within us. No one is without it. O Nanak! When you understand God's Will, All thoughts of self depart." || 2 || - Japji Sahib

You power and your happiness lie in your seva. Forget yourself.

How happy you are is inversely proportional to how much time you spend thinking about your own predicament in life.
Let Guru Ji arrange your affairs and stop looking for solutions to what you perceive as your problems.

Forgive, and live in love.

.....G