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Summary of Question:	Urgent Advice Needed Please!
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 8/31/2004 4:12 PM MDT

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh!!

my problem is somewhat of the usual kind-but i am hoping that by learning other people's opinions i can make an informed decision about my future.

i am born & bred a sikh and into my religion - it is my identity. for a long time i have become very close to a work collegue of mine who is hindu. last week he proposed to me, i had no idea that he loved me. i had begun loving him too yrs ago-but never told him & was not planning to. this is because i wanted to marry a sikh - so that we would have similar backgrounds, culture and beliefs. even though this guy is a hindu we have very similar beliefs.

so here is the problem, he is also very much into his religion, and neither of us would wish to convert - instead we want to learn about each other's religions and respect them.

at this time i am also being offered a marraige to a sikh man

my dilemma? to marry someone who i love, who will i know always keep me happy - despite there being problems in the future regarding clashing cultures and children who are half sikh half hindu. or to marry someone with who i know there will be no such issues - but what if i never love him? i can try my best but what if it never happens?

i lied to this hindu man saying that i dont love him - this was in order to save the family's honour. you know what people would say if sikh marries hindu. it would also disappoint my parents, my parents are like my god they have done so much for me. he has resigned from his job (after i told him i dont feel the same for him) and is leaving this country forever to go to canada next week. i dont think i can live without him. what do you think i should do? please help!


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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

OK - first - call this man, tell him you lied to him and tell him you want to talk about it. You will never forgive yourself if you end this relationship with a lie. It will haunt you the rest of your life.

Second, if you are having trouble making a decision between the man you love who is Hindu and the Sikh - well - be practical. Here's a questionaire on Sikh Matrimonials called:

Serious Questions Before Making the Final Decision
http://www.sikhmatrimonials.com/s/SeriousQuestions

Here's the issue. Marriages do not succeed in the long run because of romance. They succeed because of shared values and shared virtues. "Hindu" and "Sikh" are just names for the different paths that lead to the One God. But really, all paths come from the One and all paths go to the One - so what's the problem, really?

The problem is whether or not you have the same vales and virtues with each of these men. The one who genuinely shares your values and your virtues, the one whose character you respect the most - that is the best match for you. This questionaire can help you figure out which man truly matches your values and virtues.

Family pressure is family pressure. But you know what? God is putting pressure on you, too. When you die and you have to stand before the Creator, "My parents made me do it" is not going to be a good enough answer. At some point -you need to take responsibility for your own life. Better to offend your parents and live in the Will of God then offend God by following a cultural practice that does not serve your soul.

So - get on the phone with the man, and start asking the serious questions. Find out if you two are a good match. If so - great. If not, make sure you ask these same questions of the Sikh, as well. Maybe he is a good match, maybe not. Let the values and virtues decide it for you.

Pray that God guides you to the correct decision for yourself. Chant Sat Nam Wahe Guru.

Good luck!

All love in the Divine,

GPK