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Summary of Question:	Married Life
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Friday, 12/13/2002 11:24 AM MST

I dont really know where to start.Ive been married 6 years and both me and my husband havnt been happy in those 6 years.I have one 5 year old and am expecting another.I am very unhappy with my life as me and my husband have recently seperated,nothing is permanant as yet but my husband does not get on with my side of the family.He puts himself and he's family first.He never agree's with anything i say,he always does what he thinks is right and sometimes he never tells me what goes on in the family or he's life.He just see's me as a typical indian wife there too cook and feed him.My husband is from india,i myself am from england.Ive put up with him for so long and i doubt any other woman could put up with what i have.When we have arguments he cant take the fact that i stick up for myself,he swears at me and tells me too go back to my mums.He has said that so many times that hes even dropped me at my mums door but i always go running back.My brother got married recently..i wanted 2 stay at my mums for the weekend and he kept coming up with silly remarks and innoying me on purpose.I couldnt take it so i started to cry and called my mum to tell her this is what is happening.She begged him not too say anything too me just get thru the wedding and we will see what happens after that.He replied ' you can take her and keep her there'.What mother is going to take crap like that.He attended the wedding late he got drunk the night before and made a fool of himself and keeps blaming me saying i ashamed he's family n embarrased him infront of everyone.He takes me for granted but no matter what i still love him cos at the end of the day he is still my husband.I have told him i will not come back home until you urself come and get me from my mothers house.It has been three weeks and he still has not come.He is too stubborn too come and get me but if i go home he always tells me he loves me and wants me back but he wont talk to me family.He keeps telling me ive upset hes family and that is all he cares about.Im at my mums house right now and am very depressed and worried which i know is not good for me as i am pregnant.My mum is very religious or too religous if i can say that.She is too strict and too be honest i dont see a way out of any of this cos deep down inside she doesnt want me too go back to him either.Please give me some advice as too what i should do.Thanku.

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Well, you have written about a very complicated situation. Do you have access to a couselor? I think you need a professional person to go to talk about your marriage. You need to sort things out, piece by piece.

You have an idea about what you want in life and marriage, but you are married to someone who does not share that philosophy. It is very unlikely that he is going to change. It seems that either you have to change your attitude and bend to his way...or you need to find enough happiness somehow within the marriage to stay in it. Also, what is the reality of leaving him for good? Can you support 2 children? Do you have a place to live, etc.? So, briefly, without being able to sort this out with you, piece by piece...either you need to somehow find a way to make your marriage work...or you need to find a way to leave him and make it work.

You said that you love him. I question that. Being married to someone doesn't mean that you automatically love that person. Look at what love means to you. Is there really love between the two of you. If so, how can it be nurtured and develped? Because you have two children, it would be much better if you can work out your marriage. If not, its better if you find a way to make leaving work and get on with your life. Be realistic and practical, and think about what will make you happy and fulfilled. Think about your life in 5 or 10 years. Is that what you want? May Guru guide you in your decision. GTKK