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Summary of Question:	Please Post This Response
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 10/03/2002 9:00 PM MDT

This is an issue that was raised earlier:

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Summary of Question: Re: Is it appropriate for sikhs to have love marriages?
Date Posted: Friday, 7/30/1999 6:47 AM MDT

Is it appropriate for sikhs to have love marriages?:
Yes. No one can make hard fast rules for your life. Dharma is a guideline, not a prison.
I personally think arranged marriage is better in the long run. That's because it makes you grow in many ways that an emotional marriage wouldn't. But again, every situation is different and only someone who can see your destiny is in a postition to comment.
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I am a sikh female, and my husband is also sikh. We had, what the eastern world calls a "love marriage" (which I find a curious term - but anyway!). I agree with your response in that the "way" you marry is your choice, whether it is arranged or love. However, your comment about "arranged marriage is better in the long run" is a totally incorrect comment.

What we see in the world today, in India and overseas is that divorces are VERY common. The reason I believe they weren't so common earlier was not because arranged marriages worked, it was because people continued to live together even if they were unhappy for the sake of their families, children, and most of all, the society. These people previously would not have the courage to face the society at large after such an event in their life. And the main reason for that is that the Indian society, in India and especially those living overseas, tend to have a very closed attitude towards such things.

What we make of our marriages is really up to us. Whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, it is up to us to make it work. Everyone has different views on whether love or arranged marriage is better. I would say that a love marriage in my view is better mainly because more often than not (and I'm not saying always!) you tend to get to know the other person.
Whereas, in arranged marriages it is very easy for either party to cover up things that they don't want revealed. I have seen many cases of these too.

Again, there will be someone out there who will say that arranged marriages are better because you get families involved, etc. However, there is no reason why one can't have the same family involvement in love marriages. What's important is that you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and also that you both love and respect each other. That is what is going to keep you together - not whether it was a "rishta" made by your dad, mum, family, etc.

I believe in love marriages you grow with each other, just like in an arrange marriage. But even more so, because you are not strangers when you get married. You already have a base to build upon.

So to all out there - no matter if you have had or are having a love or arranged marriage make sure you are CERTAIN of your feelings and then take the next step. And at the end of the day, it will only work if you want it to.

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Reply.

Thanks for sharing your views on this.