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| Summary of Question: | Having A Second Bf |
| Category: | Love & Marriage |
| Date Posted: | Tuesday, 10/22/2002 9:38 AM MDT |
i would like to tell u something about myself first...i am 18 and i go to college...i am related to a very strict sikh family...my family doesnt allow me to go out with my friends...nmot even have any friends...my friends cant call me and i cant call anyone...i still do that when they are not home..i know thats wrong but i wanna have some life i cant go to any parties of any kind...just straight from college to home and vice versa...so when i go against wat they tell me to do ....i feel guilty...so please tell me what to do
my next question is that a guy two years ago proposed me and i said no to him because i didnt want to hurt my parents...but he somehow found my numbers and kept calling him...one day he called and i thought noone was home so i was trying to tell him that i cant be with him because of my parents...all of a sudden my mama ji picked up the other phone and heard that i was talking to that guy...then my parents went to trhat guy's house and asked him if he wanted to marry me...rem i was only 16 vat the time...he said yes but they told me that if i marry that guy...they wont talk to me after my marriage at all....so i said i dont wanna marry that guy...so that guy moved to canada because of me...then now this other guy is asking me out ...i think he does love ,me and i have feelings for him..he is lubana and i am a jatti....and i know my parents wont agree...so i really dont wanna break his heart
please tell me what to do
thank you
preeti
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Reply
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Preeti, you have a very tough challenge if you can give your feelings away so easily. Your parents are very protective of you.
However, in this country, if a guy asks you out on a date, it does not mean that he wants to marry you. You sound very innocent. Perhaps the best thing for you to do is to discuss with your parents what their idea of marriage is for you.....what age, what they are looking for in a guy, etc etc. Start presenting yourself to this discussion and educate yourself so you do not have to feel sneaky. Tell them what you would like in a husband and be mature about it by being very: "matter of fact" or cool.
If someone is interested in you, they should come to meet your family. For now, remember that you are still quite young and you have a lot of time till you have to settle down into a marriage. For now, pursue your career or what you like to do in life. Your parents are more likely to consider overlooking the caste of a young man if you can be very mature and clear minded(not emotional). After all, all the Guru's have taught us that the Sikh of the Guru has no concern for caste.
God bless you, SKKK
Having A Second Bf (10/22/2002)